


Tripping Over Umbrellas on a Sunny Day

by Yidenia



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Coming of Age, Family, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-14 21:42:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yidenia/pseuds/Yidenia
Summary: At the end of his journey, Syaoran's clone parents have new bodies and chose to return to Hong Kong, leaving Syaoran to come back to Clow Country and try to acclimate on his own. Sakura keeps asking Syaoran to move in with her at the palace, but Syaoran is reluctant to leech off of her. He has other things to do anyway, like finding his true origins before Fei Wong Reed messed up all the timelines, the irrigation project, trying not to accidentally blow up archaeological digs his father had been manning, and most of all, dodging Prince Touya, who seems to have taken up a new hobby consisting of showing up out of nowhere to scare the living daylights out of Syaoran. To top it all off, his magic seems to be going through a growth spurt, which is about as graceful as going through a physical growth spurt. Syaoran could have sworn his life use to be more dignified than this, and he had spent 7 years locked up in a tank. Luckily, he has the support of his new family—when they are not busy laughing at his expense, anyway.Or: Syaoran desperately tries to prove he deserves to be part of the family, and the family is annoyed with him for feeling he has to.





	1. Water spells do not behave well in deserts

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted to write a more lighthearted TRC fanfic, since my track record lately have consisted of fics that are…well, the opposite. I always felt like Syaoran was a bit of a loner, and a bit of a misfit, and he's very brave and noble and determined but he feels like he's on his own, a lot of the time. And he might have trouble accepting that he's safe now, that his battles aren't his alone to carry, especially since he probably suffered through a lot of trauma that he couldn't really share details with others about, and everyone else is like "SYAORAN, LET US TAKE CARE OF YOU *****" etc etc etc. Because who wouldn't want to take care of Syaoran-chan? Who's with me? :D

Morning found Syaoran on a rock cliff edge overlooking the dunes while munching on some fried dough. It was starting to get really sunny, but the night's chill had yet to fade. He was still wearing his cloak, and his hands, which he had bared in order to hold his breakfast, were starting to hurt from the cold. The dough, too, was getting icy where it was exposed to the wind.

" _Li-sama_!" someone yelled, "We need you to come and take a look at this!"

Syaoran crammed the rest of the dough into his mouth; he could eat it after it cooled, but he preferred it when it was hot, especially when the day had not warmed yet. Face stuffed with food, he stumped over, wiping his mouth and then his hands on the hems of his trousers.

A few of the workers were clamoring around the giant condenser, and Syaoran walked up, expecting there to be questions about something on the construction, but from behind the tall metal frames, the princess stepped out, clad in a plain hood and flanked by several attendees.

Syaoran froze in mid-step, then tried to back away, but the princess already saw him.

"Syaoran!" she held a package up with one hand, "I brought breakfast."

"Uh, ah,  _ano_ …" Syaoran was caught off-guard, and chewed quickly because the food was going to fall out of his mouth. He had to cover his face just in case. After gulping audibly, he stammered, " _Hime!_ I did— _ano…_ I already ate…"

Clearly, because his mouth was still full. He felt a little stupid for saying this, but he had no idea what else he could say.

At some point over the past couple of months, Sakura's reactions to such refusals changed from disappointed acceptance to irritated remonstration. She gave him a warning glare.

"I made them just for you," she stated deliberately.

Well, he could not say no to that.

"You really didn't have to…"

"I don't have to do quite a lot of things," she said, placing the package down on a bench to unwrap. The other workers moved subtly away to give them space. "Here, this is much better than that fried dough you keep getting."

"I thought you liked the fried dough."

"Not something you should eat every day, nevertheless."

The food did look good. Steamed rice, pickled vegetables, goat meat and eggplant. Syaoran's mouth watered at the sight. " _Hime,_ this looks delicious!"

"Of course it does. You eat that fried dough every morning." She raised a hand to press him gently down to sit, and then took a seat next to him. She did not have a share for herself.

Syaoran lifted a mouthful with his chopsticks. "Here."

"I already ate."

"Liar."

She sniffed.

"It's going to fall."

It was.

She had to catch it with her mouth before it dropped. She then glared at him for manipulating her this way.

"You've gotten haughty."

"You've gotten spicy," Syaoran returned, grinning.

" _Spicy?_ "

"Sugar and spice. Isn't that what Mokona called it?"

"I don't remember this."

"Probably when you weren't with us," Syaoran chuckled, eating some mouthfuls himself. It was wonderful, and he wolfed down several bites before remembering to offer Sakura again. This time she moved away.

"You have to catch it yourself if you don't want it to go to waste."

"This isn't nice," he complained, lowering it so it would not drop. "You should wait and eat with me next time."

"If you'd get down here in time," she complained in turn. "You're so stubborn. It's like you don't want to see me."

"Of course I want to see you!"

"Right. When are you going to move into the palace?"

This again.

He was not sure how he was trying to respond, but what came out was an ambiguous "Ngugh."

"Are people bullying you?"

"No one's bullying me!"

"Is it  _Oni-sama?_ Because I will murder him. He knows."

"You can't kill your brother," Syaoran protested, "and once again, no one's bullying me! I'm just…I'm not ready."

He was leeching off enough on the royal family as it was. Between the princess' packed meals which she had cooked herself, much to Prince Touya's chagrin, of course, the fact that the old archaeological excavation was now bust, all Syaoran could really contribute was the new irrigation system, which he had only  _just_ managed to work. Just the thought of how useless he had been was making him cringe.

He was cringing.

"You're being ridiculous."

"I'm just…we're still young." Syaoran hunched now. "And I think the King and Queen want you to themselves for a little while longer. If I go there…everyone would have to circle around me and it's just…it's going to be awkward for everyone."

He was a commoner. They were royalty. He would embarrass them, and of course, he could not outright  _say_ this to the princess, who would be angry at him for even thinking it, much less voicing it. He still did not know how to face King Fujitaka—the double timelines made his feelings toward the man very confusing, and really, the King had his real children, and Syaoran was just an imposter, and it was better if he stayed away anyway.

Sakura looked at him. "We  _are_ young. And  _you're_ young. It's a lot to live on your own." Her voice softened. "We're all worried about you."

"Well, I can take care of myself. I have been," Syaoran declared. "I mean, even before. And I've got a lot to do, and I'm usually not by myself anyway because I've got everyone here to help."

"They help you eat fried dough every morning."

"Well, apparently they also help lure me to you," Syaoran moped. "Why couldn't you just tell them to say that you're here?"

"So you could pretend you weren't busy stuffing your face with the dough?"

_Good point._

" _Li_ _-sama!"_ someone called out, and ran up as he was eating. "We got an issue with the reactor."

"Seriously?" Sakura glared at the man. She was still irritated in general. Syaoran had to admit, he liked seeing her spunk when it was not directed toward him. "Can't you see he's eating?"

" _Iie,_ it's alright," Syaoran insisted. "I have to—" _go take a look,_  but then a flash of hurt crossed her face, and he switched gears, "I have to know these things ahead of time just in case they're emergencies. I'll head over in a few."

" _Arigatou, Li-sama."_

Sakura's countenance switched back to exasperation.

"You're going to run yourself dry."

"I'm fine. It's what I'm here for."

" _Syaoran._ You don't have to prove yourself." She inhaled, and Syaoran realized she was really upset this time. "I mean…if you really don't want to move to the palace, fine. I…I understand. Just…sometimes I feel like ever since you came back…we've been strangers."

He was not sure how the food, which had previously been so delicious that even a whole piece of fried dough could not stop him from inhaling the thing, suddenly became utterly tasteless. He chewed anyway to keep himself occupied so he would not have to answer.

"I feel like you've been lost," she went on, "and you've been away from home for so long that you don't even recognize it anymore, you just keep going past it.  _Otou-sama_ really misses you, you know. He wants to know how you're doing."

"I'm doing fine."

"I  _know_. Would be polite to at least tell this to his face."

Syaoran winced. "I'll let him know once we test out the irrigator, if it works—"

"Oh for crying out loud!" She produced a handkerchief out of what appeared to be nowhere, and then threw it at his face. It smacked his nose and nearly fell on the breakfast, but he lifted it out of the way at the last second so it fell on his lap instead.

"You're impossible!" she complained. "He doesn't need updates on the irrigator! He wants updates on you!"

"But they're the same thing!" Syaoran pointed out. "That's what I've been doing these days! Look, I promise I'll stop by the palace today, alright? We're doing a trial run today and I'm sure things will go wrong but we'll have a better idea of where to go from here. Promise. Pinky swear. I'll stop by and…and I might even stay the night if it's a good run."

He had no idea Sakura was capable of wearing such a dirty look on her normally sweet countenance. The princess was full of layers.

"If it's a pinky swear, you'd better uphold it," she warned, "or else I will have  _Oni-sama_ come here and drag you kicking and screaming, and we'll see how everyone here likes seeing their bossget pulled away like a rag doll."

"I'll keep my promise!" Syaoran protested, as she pushed herself to her feet and waved at the attendants to signal that she was leaving.

"We shall see," she said lowly. After taking one step, though, she suddenly turned.

"Actually, that's my favorite handkerchief," she held her hand out. "Give it here."

He set the chopsticks down and picked it up with his free hand. "What, can't I keep it? You did just throw it at my face."

"Oh, you think you deserve it?"

 _Kami,_ he  _liked_ this Sakura. So much better than the perpetually worried Sakura, or the sad Sakura. Feeling playful, Syaoran pretended to use it to wipe his mouth.

"It's dirty. You don't want it back."

"I want it back. Pristine. Tonight." She glared, but turned back around. "If you don't give it back to me, I  _will_ send  _Oni-sama._ _Neither_ of you would be happy."

"I think  _you're_ the one bullying me."

"You wish," she called without turning around, and her attendants flocked behind her.

Syaoran tucked the handkerchief away where it would not actually get dirty and started picking up his chopsticks before suddenly remembering that he needed to investigate the reactor. He quickly set the food down while the princess could not see him.

"You're ridiculous _,_ " teased the worker when he saw him.

"Shush. What's going on with the reactor?" Syaoran leaned forward, mind already on the work.

* * *

By mid-morning, the test was ready to go.

Yusuke, one of the head engineers, stood next to Syaoran as everyone readied themselves. The irrigator, as Syaoran liked to call it, was a tall piece made of metal and stone arches. They stretched up into a spiral, narrowing together at the top, which was left open; that was where all the water would condense into a dense, hard ball. Another long tube arched upwards and was supposed to shoot a beam up into the sky to form rain clouds, which would then precipitate. The whole thing was five stories tall; quite small, actually, for what it was supposed to do.

"The principle is sound," the engineer said, "the separate tests looked promising, and if it worked in other worlds than it would probably work in ours. Universal laws and all that. If it doesn't work, then we probably did it wrong, but we can figure it out."

"I hope so. It could potentially solve so many problems." Clow Country, being primarily a desert, was an arid landscape for the most part, with much of the resources derived from only a small fraction of the territory. If they could expand that fraction, it could increase crops exponentially.  _And just be better overall,_ Syaoran mused. He recalled Hong Kong, with the idyllic harbor and wealth of flora and fauna. The princess, of course, had seen worlds like that, but no one else here did.

_"First phase, condensing in five. Four. Three. Two. One."_

The structure glowed. Syaoran could  _feel_ the water magic being pulled from their surroundings. At the top, where the arches narrowed, a glowing blue orb, small at first, began to grow. It reached the size of a pumpkin, before suddenly, water spilled down.

 _"It's leaking,"_ one of the workers announced, unnecessarily.

"Blast," said Yusuke. "Turn it off."

_"Power it down!"_

Syaoran looked at the puddle on the ground. Some of the workers below got quite wet.

"Well we know the condenser works," said Yusuke, "just can't seem to hold the mass."

"There's a lot more volume down there than in that ball," Syaoran noted, but he could not really squash the disappointment. He had hoped the first test would go better than that, though he knew that these things were often very disappointing.

"Well it  _is_ supposed to condense," Yusuke reminded him.

"Maybe we can measure just how much it's doing it," said Syaoran. "Perhaps we shouldn't let it do it for too long before turning on the ray."

"I agree. Let's get a big tub; we want to catch everything before it splashes everywhere…"

Finding a tub that might be big enough turned out to be a trial. They turned on the structure several times, but the water overflowed each time and they were in danger of flooding their own test grounds. It made sense, Yusuke pointed out, as this thing was supposed to create an entire rain cloud. But the water was rather useless if it was not properly directed, and no amount of timing or reorienting the arches was able to keep everything from spilling over. They had to abort any more tests because of the dangers of flooding. Syaoran used the time to look over the designs to see if there was any way they could strengthen the supports.

"Maybe we should use runes," another engineer, Sora, advised. "They can strengthen the arches. Maybe it's the arches that are giving out."

"Runes?" Syaoran sighed. "That's not a bad idea." It would take ages, though, and could be a very arduous and expensive task. Particularly if it did not solve the issue.

"Maybe a central piece too," someone else suggested. "That can support the spell. The others are mainly there to condense, if you have one stem that is there primarily for support, it might prevent everything from falling."

After brainstorming a little more, they had an idea of what they might want to try first. By this time, the sun had set again, and it was cold enough that their breaths fogged the air. Syaoran shivered, and then his stomach growled. Perhaps some food might help warm him up. He still had not finished the princess' breakfast, come to think of it.

"I think this is good for now," said Syaoran. "Today was supposed to be a conduction day; we might think of something overnight over tomorrow. I'm calling it."

"Sounds good," Yusuke agreed.

"It's not an unproductive day," Sora declared.

" _Iie,_ it's not," Syaoran agreed. He had things he could talk about now with the King, if it came down to it. He turned around. "I think we— _Gyaaaaah!"_

A bolt of light flashed from his palms in reflex. If he had not lifted his hands up at the last millisecond, it would have struck its target. As it was, it hit the condenser in the back, at the very top. There was a crack, and in the dim glow of the torches, Syaoran saw a giant piece of stone chip off. It clicked against the ground, sliding a little before it came to a stop.

Then the whole arch toppled over, breaking into three nice, uneven segments.

Everyone stared.

"Huh," said Sora.

"Alright," said Prince Touya, and reached out with his long orangutan-like arm to grab Syaoran by the scruff of his cloak. "You're done. He's done. This is over."

" _Ouji-sama!_ " Syaoran exclaimed, and remembered both his promise to Sakura, the handkerchief, and the fact that he had not actually finished Sakura's breakfast. He was so dead.

"The rest of you," the prince went on, "scram."

" _Hai, Ouji-sama."_

"Why didn't you announce yourself—" Syaoran squeaked as Touya hauled him forward like he weighed as much as an ant trying to cling to a leaf. And he could hear the others snickering behind him, the  _traitors._

"And give you a chance to wiggle your way out of this one?" There was a thoroughly smug satisfaction in the older youth's voice. "You are so getting it this time,  _gaki._ "

He was so doomed.

* * *

"The  _gaki_ tried to kill me today," Prince Touya announced as they entered the dining hall.

Syaoran squeaked. "It was an acci—"

"Touya," King Fujitaka remonstrated, "What did I say about name-calling?"

"I also found this," and the prince tossed Sakura's breakfast onto the table.

Syaoran stared at Touya.  _Kami-sama, he's evil incarnate…_

"Syaoran," Sakura glared from where she was sitting at the table. "Tell me you didn't miss lunch."

"Well," Priest Yukito said to Prince Touya, "with the way you are with him, I'm surprised he didn't try to kill you sooner."

"Even so, I think it's a capital offense," the prince turned to his father. "He tried to murder the Crown Prince."

"I didn't mean—"

"Oh sit down," Queen Nadeshiko had risen from her seat, and she reached out to Syaoran. "And take off your cloak; your hands are freezing! Come, we have some hot soup. Someone take his cloak, for goodness sake."

Sakura was looking through the breakfast leftovers. "Syaoran," she snapped, "you're going to make yourself sick!"

Syaoran found himself herded to a seat as Yukito demanded, "How exactly did he try to kill you? Did he give you a death glare?"

"He fired spells at me."

"They didn't hit you!" Syaoran protested.

"Right, because they  _missed_."

"You fired spells at the prince?" Yukito raised his eyebrows. "Gutsy."

" _Kami-sama!_ I didn't mean to, alright?" Syaoran exclaimed in distress. "He scared me!"

"Oh, so now you're blaming  _me_  for getting _myself_ attacked with magic spells?" Touya's voice hardened dangerously.

"… _I-iie,_ " Syaoran wilted uncertainly.

"Enough. Stop teasing the boy," the king chastised. "Don't mind Touya. He can be insufferable at times. Are you alright? You must be starving."

"Nice going," said Yukito, who was grinning at the prince now. "What were you doing? Were you dancing on your head? Were you _singing?_ Whatever it was, it must have been utterly traumatic."

"All I did was wait for them to finish discussing their boring machine. I even chose to be polite and didn't interrupt them while they were talking."

"He didn't even announce—" Syaoran tried to explain that it was  _not_ so innocent as all that, but Nadeshiko was already pushing a bowl of soup over to him.

"Here, this is nice and hearty and will warm you right up," said the queen. "Sakura told me you were staying the night. You must be exhausted."

" _…Matte—"_ He never _promised_ he was going to spend the night here—

"How did he never blow up his friends back when he was traveling?" Prince Touya went on, "if his magic startles at everything he must have been that ninja's worst nightmare. You can't sneak around like that."

 _I didn't,_ Syaoran wanted to say, but he could not, because that seed of worry twisted in his gut.

This was not the first time his magic felt like it was out of his control. It had happened five times already, though mostly when he came out of a nightmare. He had never had that problem before.

"Aw," said Queen Nadeshiko, and rubbed the back of Syaoran's head. "He's just going through a growth spurt. Don't worry," she leaned close and spoke with a stage-whisper, "you'll get the hang of it."

"Right, if the  _gaki_ doesn't kill everyone first."

"Touya," the King pointed. "Sit down and eat your dinner. No more of this nonsense.  _Syaoran-kun,_ how did the trial run go?"

" _Ano…_ "

"It didn't work. The whole place was flooded when I got there."

"Touya," it was Nadeshiko who reprimanded him this time.

Syaoran wilted a little. "Well…pretty much what  _Ouji-sama_ said."

"Well at least it can produce water," said the King, looking pleased. "Not bad for a first time."

"He's not eating," Sakura suddenly grumbled. "Maybe  _that's_ why the whole place flooded. So you can learn to take a  _break_. If you can't even tell your own subordinates to give you five minutes to  _eat_ , maybe I should tell  _Otou-sama_ to pull you from the project."

Syaoran stared. Her father was  _right there._ "I can so tell people to give me five minutes to eat—I just—"

"Or maybe he needs a babysitter," Prince Touya was wearing a particularly smarmy smile. "What do you think,  _Otou-sama?_ "

"Are you volunteering?" King Fujitaka asked mildly.

Priest Yukito burst out laughing. "I think that's a great idea!"

_IIiieeeee!_

Queen Nadeshiko nudged Syaoran. "Eat your soup, little one. Ignore this bunch. That's what I do most of the time."

 _Arrrrgh…_ Syaoran dropped his face into his hands.  _What is my life?_

 


	2. A Royal Awkwardness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…just as a disclaimer (? Or warning?) I have no idea how timing works in this series…you'd think after all the stuff that's happened Syaoran would be older than 14, even physically, by now, but considering all of Lord of the Rings took place over about a year and that book was like 1300 pages (of prose!) long, I'm gonna go on a limb and just say (as in the last chapter) that Syaoran and Sakura are both still fourteen years old. We good? (I'm good.)

After dinner, the King wanted to go for a walk and asked Syaoran to join. Syaoran was trying desperately to figure out a way to go back home without getting Sakura really mad at him—or worse, hurt. He really did not want to stay; if it were just him and Sakura, it would have been fine, but with the prince and the king and the queen, Syaoran felt like he was scrutinized, and he really could not handle that. Some things Tsubasa can face without batting an eyelash: an evil mage trying to destroy the realm for the sake of a wish, a clone who usurped his life and then turned out to be his father all this time, Fay's cooking when he was trying to teach Kurogane a lesson in manners, Kurogane kicking his butt during training, the odd bandit or lowlife from another world…but the family of the girl he loved? Not while he was asleep.

What if the prince stabbed him while he was under? He had a feeling the man was itching to do that…

Needless to say, he was not very successful, and this casual "stroll" through the gardens with the King felt incredibly uncomfortable. For one thing, he kept having this desire to hug the man, because back when Fujitaka was an archaeologist, that was what his clone use to do, and Syaoran once lived vicariously through his clone, and even dismissing that, this kind of made Fujitaka his  _grandfather_. But the real Fujitaka was a king, with his own two children, one of whom hated Syaoran's guts, the other one currently mad at him for missing lunch, and meanwhile Syaoran was torn between the instinct to call this man  _Otou-san_ , except he had a real  _Otou-san_.

"Are you fitting in well?" The King asked suddenly, after they had walked a stretch in silence.

" _Hai,_ Your Majesty. It's…been a while, and I've been here before."

"Mm," said the man, looking at him with an inscrutable expression. "I was hoping you would choose to stay in Clow Country."

"…" Syaoran was very confused. When did he give the impression that he was going to leave?

"But I was very surprised," the king went on, "that you returned on your own. After all of that, it seems almost cruel."

 _Oh._ Syaoran sighed before he could stop himself.

He had not thought further than saving his parents. He wanted them to have their own flesh and blood and  _life_ , the ability to make more of their own story now that the master puppeteer had been dealt with. When the time came, it was clear that his heart was in Clow, but they had found each other and wanted to go to Hong Kong. To be honest, Syaoran had felt stunned and hurt when they told him what their plans were. He had thought that they might find it in themselves to stay with him. For his sake. But his father, the  _other_ , simply smiled at him and told him that he was going to be fine, that they were forever indebted to him for having lives to begin with, but that he needed to make his own destiny now, and the only way was if he was no longer chained to them.

He did not feel  _chained._ And the bigger blow was when Kurogane had to go back to Nihon, and of course Fay was going with him, and Syaoran suddenly found himself all alone.

"I guess they just felt like they didn't have much of a future here," he pointed out to the king. "Their lives here were our lives, and now we're here to take it back. It's…awkward. Besides, it's not like I _need_ them to take care of me; I've been taking care of myself just fine—"

"You are still pained by it," the king replied. "I can tell. You forget, child, I know you better than you might even know yourself."

Syaoran found himself unable to lift his eyes to meet the king's.  _Fujitaka-ou_ had not acknowledged that other timeline all that much since Syaoran came back. Several times, sporadically, he would say something or do something that indicated he was aware, but he did not make any overt gestures and so Syaoran did not make any either.

 _Kami-sama,_ he had no idea what to say.

The king sighed, and chose to let the matter drop. "In any case, I am glad you are staying the night. I am surprised Touya allowed you out and about the way he had before. It is frankly irresponsible."

"… _Ano…_ " Again, Syaoran got confused. Then he remembered Sakura's earlier words about being fourteen and too young to live on his own. " _M-matte,_ I was doing fine. I'm doing fine—"

"You're always hiding your hurts from others," the king gave him a look that was the closest approximation to a glare that the man seemed capable of, but it had the effect of making Syaoran mentally cringe. It was all he could do to not actually cringe. "You do not make this easy, in either timeline, but I've made my decision."

He did not say what his decision was.

"The hour is late," he went on. "Why don't you go prepare for bed. Touya told me that he plans on taking you out tomorrow so you should get some sleep."

 _Nani?!_ "T-take me out? The prince?" Syaoran blanched.  _Does this man know that his son despises me?_ He was so dead. He might as well jump off a roof. There was no way anyone can survive this.

The king smiled, and Syaoran could not tell if he was actually oblivious or deliberately being obtuse. "I imagine the two of you will have a lot of fun."

_Well, one of us might. I'm not sure about the other._

"Good night, son." And the king reached out to ruffle Syaoran's hair the way the archaeologist use to. Syaoran barely felt that wave of nostalgia in the wake of his panic.

* * *

"Had a good walk with  _Otou-sama?_ " the princess asked, planting herself down on the loveseat in the room.

"Of course," because Syaoran was never going to tell Sakura that he figured out where the prince inherited his evil genes from. "By the way, I have your handkerchief."

He held it out. Sakura looked at it, before turning up her nose. "It's not clean enough. Do that before you give it back."

"It is clean!"

"It's not."

"Is too!"

"See that border there? That needs to be white."

"It is white! It's just the lighting!"

"Well then I guess we'll see in the morning when there's better light, hm?" Sakura then curled her legs up, rather unprincess-like, to hug her knees while still on the seat. She then smiled at him. "I'm glad you're staying the night. We've all been worried about you being on your own."

"I've been on my own before. What are you worried about?"

"I don't know. If you can't remember to eat properly, I honestly don't know what else you can do properly. Do you remember to wash, to sleep on the bed instead of the floor, take your shoes off—"

" _Hime!"_

"I mean, seriously, what have  _Kurogane-san_ and  _Fay-san_ been  _teaching_ you? It's like you have no common sense anymore."

"Nnugh." Syaoran had intended to come up with a better comeback than that, but that was all his brain could produce.

"Nnugh," Sakura echoed, and then giggled, which kind of made Syaoran want to tickle her.

He should not do that though. She was a princess.

"I wonder how they're doing," she went on. "I'm sure if you reached out to  _Watanuki-kun,_ he'd tell you, or give you some way to contact them."

Syaoran's gut twisted in discomfort. Kurogane and Fay had left soon after his parents did. They stopped in Nihon where Kurogane had to reassume his duties. Fay had looked worried when Syaoran prepared to depart, and urged him to stay a while; the journey was over, he insisted, and he could go to Clow any time. The princess Tsukiyomi had said that he was a welcomed guest, and Kurogane declared that it would be rude to just turn around and leave. He did actually stay a few days, but the two men were clearly worried about him, and he did not want to burden them any longer.

"I'm sure," he agreed, "but they're probably busy."

"They'd still want to hear from you," Sakura pointed out. "Besides, you can ask  _Watanuki-kun_ if they're too busy to talk, and then connect you at a more convenient time."

Something of his reluctance must have shown on his face, because she scowled at him. " _Syaoran-kun!_ You're impossible!"

"What did I do?"

"It's not what you've  _done_. You just have a thick skull." She moved from the loveseat to tug him toward it, then pulled him down to sit next to her. " _Fay-san_ and  _Kurogane-san_ care a lot about you. You  _do_ know that, right?"

"Of course I know that. I care about them too."

"Well you clearly don't know what it  _means_ ," she huffed. "I mean,  _Kurogane-san_ put off returning to  _Tomoyo-hime_ until you found the others so that you wouldn't be alone. I think he and  _Fay-san_ can afford a few minutes out of their day to  _talk_ to you."

"Alright, alright, I'll talk to them," Syaoran rubbed his hair self-consciously, wondering exactly how he was going to pull this off.  _Uh, Fay-san, Kurogane-san, how are you doing? Just, ano, wanted to talk. No particular reason. Ano…we don't have to talk if you don't want to._ Awkward. "I'll…talk to them later. It's…it's kind of late." Here, anyway.  _How am I supposed to time this anyway?_

"True," Sakura sighed, "I guess I should let you rest; you've had a long day and  _Oni-sama_ is taking you out tomorrow, so you'll have to get up bright and early."

Syaoran's stomach dropped. " _Ano…hime…_ you wouldn't…happen to know where we're going, would you?"

"He didn't tell me," Sakura said flippantly as she moved off the seat. "Might be riding."

"…Riding?"

" _Un._ Or at least involving riding; I heard him talk to  _Otou-sama_ about the horses earlier."

Syaoran scratched his head. What was with all this secrecy?

"Whatever it is, though, I'm sure you'll have fun!"

_And why is it that no one else seems to understand that the prince doesn't **like** me?_

Sakura hopped out of the room, yawning. "Sleep tight! Let the servants know if you need anything."

_Right. Servants._

* * *

Despite his trepidation, Syaoran  _did_ sleep well. He was out as soon as he hit the pillow and the next thing he knew—

 _"Oi._ Wake up,  _gaki._ "

Sweet mother of gods, the prince was looming right over his face. For a moment, Syaoran thought it was Fei Wong, studying his features as he extracted Syaoran's essence to create the clone. He had been restrained then; he was not restrained now, so he punched.

"You know," Sakura said about an hour later when they sat down to break their fast, "you totally deserved that one."

"Shut up,  _imotou._ "

" _Iie,_ really," said the princess, eager to tease her older brother, "who  _does_ that? Like when you try to scare someone awake, you make sure you're out of range of their flailing. Genius move there,  _Ouji-sama_."

"Shut up,  _imotou,_ " Prince Touya repeated as he continued to apply the cold towel over his eye. He pointed at Syaoran hunched miserably over his meal. "That's the second time you tried to kill me in less than a day,  _gaki_."

"Behave," King said absently with his eyes on some reports; his wife was glaring at him for working at the table.

"You might be let off with the law," the prince warned, "but  _I'm_ keeping score."

"You're lucky he didn't burn your face off with a fire spell or something," Sakura chewed in delight. "Totally would have deserved that one too."

"Shut up,  _imotou_."

"Children," Queen Nadeshiko cut in, "finish your meal.  _Touya-kun_ and  _Syaoran-kun_ need to head out after this, so eat up."

Syaoran hunched over even more.  _Kami-sama_. He was dead. That was the only logical conclusion.

"He doesn't look like he's hungry," the prince drawled. "Goodness, how did this kid survive without starving to death? It's like he has no preservation instincts."

 _"Syaoran-kun!_ " Sakura exclaimed, angry and oblivious to the smirk from her brother as her attention was redirected. "For crying out loud, you take the food with your utensil, you put it in your mouth, you chew, and then you swallow! Don't tell me  _Oni-sama_ scared that skill out of your brain!"

"He didn't scare that out of my brain!" Syaoran exclaimed, grabbing said utensil defensively. Against proper etiquette, he stuffed food in his mouth even though he had more to say. "I jus' dn' feel ungry…i' all…" he mumbled with his mouth full.

"Great," the prince set his own utensil down. "So the sight of my face took away your appetite, is that what you're saying?"

 _What?!_ "I dntghmph—"

"Such insolence. First he punches me in the face, then he insults my face.  _Otou-sama_ , what did I tell you? This  _gaki_ is a menace."

" _You're_ a menace!" Sakura reproached.

The King did not even look their way. "Eat your breakfast,  _Syaoran-kun._ A nice growing boy needs a lot of nutrition."

Prince Touya burst into laughter at this. "A nice  _growing boy!_ Good luck, squirt. There's no hope for your scrawniness no matter how much you eat."

"Oh please," Sakura snapped back, "he'll grow taller than  _you_ , for sure!"

"Never going to happen."

Prince Touya  _was_ pretty tall. He was even taller than the King, who was not short either. Syaoran had a hard time imagining he would ever actually be  _taller_ than the prince.

The queen laughed. "I remember a time when Sakura use to insist  _she_ would grow taller than Touya."

This finally seemed to rouse Fujitaka out of his paperwork. He chuckled. "I know. When did that change?"

Prince Touya smirked. "When the  _gaki_ invaded our lives and she had this weird delusion that he could do what she can't."

_Invaded._

The words seemed to tear a hole through his gut. Syaoran had the odd sensation of falling from his skin. Every hair on his body seemed to tingle, and he felt like his body suddenly got cold.

"Touya," the queen snapped. Her green eyes were icy cold. When she gets angry, she was actually scarier than the king.

There was a long moment of silence when no one said anything. Syaoran's thoughts were whirring.  _I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have agreed to stay the night. I shouldn't have come back to Clow what am I doing here? I am no one and I have no one everyone left me Father Mother Fay Kurogane no one wants me why am I even here—_

"Son," the king's voice seemed to reach him from far away, and past the numbness Syaoran detected the faint touch of someone's hand on his shoulder. It grew more prominent once he was aware of it, and he looked up to realize that everyone's eyes were on him. _Fujitaka-ou_ was the one who was touching him, while Sakura looked stricken, and the queen looked worried. The Crown Prince just had a blank look.

Syaoran blinked, aware they were waiting for his response, but he had no idea what they had asked.

"Sweetheart," said Queen Nadeshiko, reaching over to a plate of meats, "why don't you have some more of this?"

" _Iie!_ " Syaoran exclaimed a little too loudly, but he really could not stomach the idea of…well, stomaching anything right now. " _Ano…_ I'm really not that hungry," he laughed nervously, realizing that none of them were buying the act but unable to come up with anything better. "Look, I—I really appreciate it but I just thought of something and I need to hurry back before I forget—"  _Oh **gods** that was the clumsiest out I have ever done in my life…_Fay would have teased him mercilessly and he would have deserved it, but Fay was gone, with Kurogane, and Syaoran suddenly wanted to cry. " _Ano…_ _a-arigatou_ for the meal—and for letting me stay… _sayonara._ "

He turned around and fled without even grabbing his cloak. None of them called him back.

_Well. Pretty sure they're not inviting me back to the palace. Ever._

* * *

Sakura arrived at his tiny residence a mere ten minutes after he arrived himself, already worrying about how exactly he was going to continue a project if the King was going to dismiss him. How was he going to support himself? Where would he  _go?_

"I brought breakfast," she showed the basket to the dumbfounded Syaoran. " _Oka-sama_ said you didn't eat all that much and I couldn't eat there because the sight of  _Oni-sama's_ face took away my appetite."

 _"Gomen ne,"_ Syaoran mumbled.

"What for?" she took off and hung her own cloak; Syaoran was still too overwhelmed to remember such practical things like being a good host in general. He barely remembered to step back and let her inside in the first place. " _Oni-sama_ was the one being a  _baka_. Clearly, all that food went into making him uselessly tall instead of having any semblance of intelligence."

"You shouldn't say that about your own brother," Syaoran chastised gently, and then felt a that eerie feeling of  _deja vu_. It had been a while since he told Sakura to be more respectful to Touya, but then it had been a while since Sakura had been so clearly upset at her brother.

"Well someone needs to," Sakura said in a matter-of-fact tone, stepping over to the modest table where Syaoran rarely ate. "This is kind of like old times," she remarked. "No servants, no one else, very casual. I missed this."

Syaoran was slow to remember to get her something to drink; just water for her, some milk for himself (she insisted). The basket was actually much better insulated than Syaoran would have predicted; the contents were still steaming hot when Sakura took it out, and it was a significant journey on foot from the palace to Syaoran's own home.

" _We_ wanted to let you know that  _we're_ sorry," Sakura went on as they divided the portions between the two of them. "You should just learn to ignore everything  _Oni-sama_ says. He never says anything intelligent. Half the time I wonder if he even knows what is coming out of his mouth."

"I'm sure he does," Syaoran said wearily. "They all carry the same theme. Would be much more random if they were just noises."

"He doesn't mean what he says," Sakura said gently. "You know that, right?"

The glares from the Crown Prince kind of say otherwise.

"He was pretty disappointed that you two did not get to hang out today," she went on, before taking a bite out of her breakfast.

 _Hang out? That's what you're calling it?_ "I don't think he's disappointed for the reasons you're thinking."

"Oh stop. Now you're being melodramatic. You know, if you would quit acting like a rabbit caught in a trap every time he says something ridiculous, eventually he'd get tired of the game. He keeps doing this because he enjoys your terrified expression so much."

Syaoran could agree that Touya enjoyed torturing him.

"Honestly, he is such a child.  _Oka-san_ always said men never grow up," Sakura chewed thoughtfully, and then her eyes grew morose. "Unless they grow up too fast, I guess."

Strangely, this comment served to lift Syaoran's spirits. "There's no fun growing up if you have to grow up," he teased.

"That makes no sense."

Syaoran stuck his tongue out at her. Sakura burst into giggles at this and stuck her tongue out back at him.

"You're incorrigible! Eat your breakfast,  _orokana hito._ I want to head to the market together after this, so you better hurry up. Might as well take advantage of _Oni-sama's_ gaffe."

 _Hm._ Well, maybe all was not lost, if the King and Queen were allowing Sakura to hang out with Syaoran for today. With that, Syaoran dug into his meal; he was still a growing boy, after all.

 


	3. A Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more serious than I intended, but I think expected, given everything.

They stayed in the market until evening, eating out and teasing each other, but as the sun set, Syaoran offered to walk the princess home (she was without escorts, which he scolded her for), and he had the sudden suspicion that this was all planned somehow.

Dusk still painted the skies orange by the time the two arrived at the palace gates. Syaoran made to stop, but the princess took his hand in a firm grip and led him through without giving him a chance to pause. The gates closed behind them, so he had no choice but to follow her on inside.

" _Hime,"_ he stuttered, "I can't stay—"

"Of course you can," she turned on him, green eyes hard like flint. "Didn't  _Otou-sama_ talk to you yesterday? You're going to stay with us from now on."

"…" When did the king ever say that? " _Ano_ …"

"In any case,  _I_ want you here, and with my family, that counts for something." Suddenly, Sakura looked deeply hurt, enough that Syaoran could almost feel it radiating out of her. "I told  _Otou-sama_ and  _Oka-sama_ that  _you_ were all I wanted. Through everything that had happened, you were what made it even the slightest bit okay. I wouldn't have had  _Fay-san_ or  _Kurogane-san_ if it hadn't been for you. And now you're the only one who knows what it was like."

Oh. Sakura needed his support. Syaoran can offer that.

" _Hime—"_

"After everything that had happened, can't I get something I want?" Sakura's eyes seemed a little glassy when she glared at him. "Or is that too selfish of me?"

"That's not selfish at all."  _I want it too._

"Right, well, will you stay?"

Syaoran swallowed. He supposed. He had put up with worse than social awkwardness for the sake of her happiness. "If  _Kokuo heika_ allows it, of course I will."

"Why do you keep calling him that?"

Syaoran blinked. "…He is my king. What else am I supposed to call him?"

Sakura gave him a puzzled look, but chose to say nothing.

" _Oi!_ " Prince Touya's voice rang in his ear. Something swelled out of Syaoran's chest and into his arms as he flung them around, only to direct them to the side at the last second. A ball of magic shot out of each hand and hit the wall with a low  _boom._ The entire place shook, and a painting on the wall caught on fire.

As the servants rushed to put out the flames, Syaoran knelt on the floor, staring at his hands. They had returned to normal, and he felt no change in himself, but for some reason his hands would not stop shaking.

"It's alright," Sakura was saying next to him. "It was an accident. I saw it all. It was all  _Oni-sama's_ fault."

Prince Touya had his hand on Syaoran's nape, crouching next to him, waiting for the teen to gather his wits. Sakura gathered Syaoran's hands together in hers and squeezed.

"…What happened?" Syaoran whispered, voice hushed. He felt like his own throat did not belong to him, that he was somehow trapped inside his body that was sluggish to obey his commands.

"You cast a spell," she replied.

"I didn't. That wasn't me."

"You know it was," said Prince Touya, sounding subdued.

Syaoran stared. "What is happening to me?"

Sakura's lips tightened. "It's going to be okay."

"Get  _Oka-sama,_ " Prince Touya told his sister.

"Why me?"

The prince was behind Syaoran, but he could almost hear the words he did not say.

"I'm not afraid," Sakura glared, "and  _Syaoran-kun_ isn't dangerous."

"Are you daft?" the prince bit out.

Syaoran was on his feet without even knowing how or when he even rose. "I should leave." If he was going to cast spells without meaning to, he should do it far from here, where he could not hurt anyone.

"You shouldn't be alone for this," said the prince, who had circled around to his front. His hands were on Syaoran's upper arms, and Syaoran had the hysterical realization that the prince was  _very strong_. " _Imotou._ Get  _Oka-sama,_ now."

Realizing that she could not physically restrain Syaoran the way her brother could, Sakura backed away and ran off.

"Please," Syaoran tried to back away.

"What are you afraid of?" the young man frowned. "Take a deep breath. You're safe."

 _Safe?_ Syaoran looked up and met his gaze. " _Nani?"_

"You're safe," the prince repeated. "There's nothing to be afraid of. You're twitchier than a hare."

"…Please let me go."

"Are you going to stay put if I do?"

Syaoran wanted to nod, but all of the sudden he realized that Prince Touya's grip was the only thing actually keeping him grounded, and he could not initiate the motion.

A long silence stretched. The prince did not press the matter.

Queen Nadeshiko arrived after the fires had been put out; it was a small fire, and a single bucket of water was sufficient.

"Oh child," she murmured, and the prince let go so that she could wrap her arms around the boy. "Come. Let's sit you somewhere comfortable. Are you hurt?"

* * *

"It's called a growth spurt, sweetheart," said the queen, rubbing his arm as they sat on the cushions. "Everyone with any offensive magic goes through this. Non-offensive magic too, but for offensives, naturally, It's a rather trying period. People might avoid you like you caught a plague, but it will pass."

"How long is this going to go  _on?_ " Syaoran exclaimed in dismay. "I don't see people throwing magic around all the time?"

"Your case is a little more severe. Now now," the queen rubbed his back as he dropped his face into his hands, "it's to be expected. You're a powerful sorcerer, for one, and…you've endured a lot. Tell me, _Syaoran-kun,_ what generally seems to set this off for you?"

 _Prince Touya._ "I don't know. When I get…startled, I guess. But I've gotten startled before."

"You're growing. It's not going to be consistent," the queen insisted, while Sakura glared at her brother, who smirked back at her.

"Maybe we should have him incarcerated for the well-being of the masses," said the elder sibling.

"Maybe we should have  _you_ incarcerated."

"It will pass," Queen Nadeshiko assured Syaoran. "Have you been sleeping enough? This project of yours…has it been working you too hard?"

" _Iie!"_ Syaoran stammered. "It's been fine! I haven't even worked on it today!"

The queen tilted her head at him. "Have you spoken to your parents lately?"

Syaoran felt like his breath got punched out of him. " _Iie."_

He suddenly  _really really_ wanted to, but he could not imagine what that would do. Gone were the days when his parents were simply that. Not only was the clone business a complicated mess, they  _did not want him._ He ran his fingers in his hair and thought hysterically that he had felt less lost when he was traveling.

Now he kind of understood how Fay felt when he asked Ichihara Yuuko to keep him from going home.

Queen Nadeshiko studied him for a moment. "Sakura, Touya," said she, all the while looking at Syaoran, "fetch your father for me, will you?"

"He's in court," the prince reminded her.

"He is king," the queen reminded in turn, "and his court would do well to remember that."

She was summoning King Fujitaka from court for  _him?_ Syaoran began to rise. " _Iie,_ it's fine, there's no reason to get the king involved—"

" _Li Syaoran-kun,_ " the queen commanded, "sit down."

Well, fine, if the queen commands. Syaoran complied. Maybe she was calling the king for something else. He was twisting his hands unconsciously in his lap, and it surprised him when the queen took one of his hands in her own and rubbed it soothingly. She had nice, fair hands, like her daughter.

Once the siblings disappeared, the queen said quietly, "Touya has a mischievous streak, but you're in no danger from him."

 _Right,_ because it was more like Syaoran was a danger to the prince.

"You two have always been frosty with one another," the queen went on. "It was mainly his fault, of course. It was your misfortune that you met him at an age when he was quite immature. Fourteen years old is not typically the best age for responsibility."

 _… **I'm** fourteen years old, _Syaoran thought awkwardly.

"I remember when you first came to us, Sakura took to you instantly. She recognized your gentle soul, I think. It really annoyed her brother. Touya is also a good soul. I know my son, so I don't say that just because I'm his mother. But he was groomed to be a king, and kings need a touch of darkness to them, to keep their own people in line and, more importantly, to ward off enemies that would threaten their home. Touya was not particularly good at that. The shadows of politics, of governing, were very unpleasant to him, as they are to all good people. But he has no choice. He's the heir apparent. So he doesn't always get it right. That will come in its time, but for the time being we must all tolerate his mistakes. He saw that you were taking his sister away and chose to summon that darkness. He didn't expect you to be defiant without giving him anything to target. That only annoyed him more. But it is all ego, that's all. One day, when you are both grown men, I think you two will get along quite well. But for now, you need to understand that he doesn't think of you as an enemy. He never has. You don't need to be so wary of him."

 _Well can you tell him to stop sneaking up on me?_ Syaoran managed not to ask. Why was she telling  _him_ to behave? Why was she not telling her own son to behave? Typical royalty.

" _Ouji-sama_ has been kind enough to me," he managed to say, drawing up memories of when King Touya had looked out for the clone.

"You are generous," said the queen, sounding amused.

"It's true," Syaoran insisted. "And he will make a great king. I've seen it happen.  _Jouou-sama_ need not worry about that."

King Fujitaka then entered the room right as the servant announced his arrival.

"That was quick," said Queen Nadeshiko, rising from next to Syaoran.

"I was wrapping up," said the king, heading straight for Syaoran. "Are you alright? Sakura and Touya were mentioning something about your magic behaving funny today."

"He's going through a growth spurt," said the queen, "and he's been under a lot of stress, lately, and perhaps from before. It's made his magic volatile."

"I'm not stressed!" Syaoran blinked, as the king took a seat next to Syaoran.

"He told me that he hasn't had any contact with the others," said the queen. "I thought it best that you handle this."

"Of course," said the king, taking his wife's hand and pressing a kiss to them.  _"Arigatou gozaimasu."_

 _"Oka-sama?"_ Sakura called from the door. "What's going on?"

"Come," said the queen, leading the princess away. In the hall, Syaoran could hear the prince grumbling something sarcastically.

King Fujitaka squeezed his shoulders. " _Daijoubu desu ka?_ You're not hurt, are you?"

" _I'm_ not," Syaoran stated, bewildered.  _Shouldn't you be more worried about the prince?_ Prince Touya was the one who would have been set on fire, if Syaoran had not swerved his aim at the last minute.

The older man studied him for a moment.

" _Syaoran-kun,_ " he said softly, "I think we should talk about what happened. Before."

Syaoran nearly gulped. "Before?"

The King nodded. "When you first came to Clow. And all the things that happened since."

Oh spirits. Syaoran did not want to talk about. That was done and over with, and if he never thought about that time, it would be too soon.

"What's there to say?" he muttered. "It's in the past."

"It haunts you," said the king. "It haunts her, but not as much as it haunts you. She talks about it with her mother, sometimes. Not everything, but some. Since you came back, as far as I know, you've never talked about it with anyone. Not even her. And you had your own trials, too."

Syaoran stood and went to the window, fingers digging into the opposite elbow. He heard the king stand up and walk toward him, stopping only when he was right behind the boy.

" _Syaoran-kun."_

"There's nothing to talk about," Syaoran insisted, turning around and trying to meet the king's gaze. "You know how I had journeyed. Compared to what I have seen, my experiences were trivial, really. And I was doing them for  _Sakura-hime_ , so it's not really much of an ordeal. What, do you think I've been traumatized or something?"

" _You are a brave boy,"_ King Fujitaka said seriously. "You always have been. From the moment you came to our kingdom, I've recognized that you had great courage. You are far from broken, but that doesn't mean you haven't been hurt, that you are still hurting. You forget, son, I have memories of both timelines. I remember the sheer frustration of having to figure out when and what you needed from me, because you care about others too much and about yourself too little."

"That was the—other," Syaoran reminded him. "That wasn't me."

"That was both of you," said King Fujitaka, "and whether you got this trait from him or him from you is a mystery for the ages. The first time around, I did not get to know you very well.  _Nadeshiko-chan_ was the one who was more involved with you. But this time, I have had you to myself for several years. Did you never wonder how you ended up in my care?"

 _Not me, **him** , _thought Syaoran, but he had a feeling he might provoke the king into becoming truly exasperated with him if he actually voiced that thought.

"I figured you wouldn't be far away from  _Sakura-hime,_ " he said instead.

"There was that," the king acknowledged, "but if you try to remember,  _Syaoran-kun,_ I wasn't particularly involved with either of my children in that timeline. I asked to be with you, because I knew you were the agent of my daughter's salvation, but that you were alone. I had hoped to aid you, in some part. I had no idea I would be aiding the clone instead."

"Oh." Syaoran stared, wide-eyed.

He did not realize that Fujitaka's adoption of his clone had been no accident. It certainly made sense, though. The king had known about the seal of death. He would obviously want to do what he could to help his daughter, even if he could not save her directly.

" _Arigatou gozaimasu,"_ he said softly. "You…meant a great deal to him."  _And to me._

The king inhaled, looking like this was not the response he had wanted.

"You were my son," he said quietly, then winced a little. "You  _are_ my son. And I can tell when my children are hurting or frightened. You have been, for a long time, and this has not stopped even when you've come back here. So I ask you, now, not as king, but as a man you once called  _Otou-san._ Tell me what Fei Wong Reed did to you."

_Darkness. Silence. Denial denial denial defiance defiant defy defy—betrayal. His body, his magic. Pain. Failure. Hope, warring with despair. Yawning loneliness._

His magic was buzzing, but the king's arms were tight around him, and Syaoran slowly came back to himself. King Fujitaka hugged like the archaeologist did; engulfing, enveloping, the sensation sweet and warm and buoying.

 ** _Thunk._** A series of loud clatters had Syaoran opening his eyes. He had no idea he had even closed them. There was a shattering of a vase. He looked to the side.

 _Kami-sama._ All the furniture and everything on them had been levitating. The crashes were after Syaoran's magic stopped lifting them.

"Your magic activates when you are frightened," the king said in measured tones, arms still around him. "What were you thinking of?"

The words were right in his throat. He could exhale and they would come out, but they accumulated right in his voicebox like sand in a drain, plugging it. He could tell the king all the sordid little details, but what exactly would that accomplish? Either the king would realize just how weak Syaoran truly was, how cowardly and useless, or he would feel guilty because of what Syaoran had to go through in order to save his daughter. Really, it would be better to just let that whole affair die quietly, without being acknowledged. Acknowledging it would breathe more life into it.

Besides, compared to Kurogane and Fay, Fei Wong did not really do anything to Syaoran. He just…took what he wanted from Syaoran and then locked him up. Syaoran was not even tortured. Syaoran did not lose his parents (well, not permanently, though there was a question of if he even had them). Kurogane was the one who lost his parents because of Fei Wong's machinations, and then Fay, of course, had his memories altered and curses placed on him, not to mention the countless others who were  _really_ affected across the dimensions…so what on earth was there to talk about?

"Nothing," he answered.

"Nothing," the king said after a moment. "You levitated everything in this room unconsciously because you were thinking about 'nothing'."

Well, that did make him sound like he was lying. Which he totally was, but he had not meant to be so transparent.

Shame curdled in his gut, twisting it inside his belly. He cringed away from the man, who let go, perhaps thinking Syaoran would give him an honest answer. He was sort of right.

"I'm not brave," Syaoran insisted. "I'm not strong either." He still remembered how Fei Wong had subdued him with barely a raised finger. He meant to say more, but did not know what else to say. Then he realized he did not need to. "That's all."

The king looked perturbed. Syaoran instantly realized he had said the wrong thing.

"But he's gone, and, well, I won't let you down again," he said quickly, and then winced.

King Fujitaka paled. "Why would you think you've let me down, child?"

Could the ground just swallow him up, please? Syaoran winced again. "Look, Your Majesty, you know what happened. You know…and I know. What good does it do to bring it up all over again?  _Sakura-hime_ is alive. Fei Wong Reed is dead. You and…" he had an epiphany just then, " _him,_ what you two had meant a lot to you, I know, but I'm not him. And…I know you want him back, but you got me instead, and we both wish it otherwise—"

"What are you saying?" the man asked, and Syaoran nearly threw up his hands.

"Look, I'm sorry I'm a disappointment to everyone, alright?" he exclaimed. "I'm sorry I keep inv-v-vading people's lives." It really seemed to be all he had ever done ever since that disastrous trip to Clow the first time. "I don't know why that keeps happening. I never meant to force myself where I'm not wanted, but…"

How should he end this? 'I'll do better?' Seemed like a really weak way to assert his position in this world.

The king still looked very white. He was staring so intensely at Syaoran, he was not even blinking.

 _"Lord Misaki, the King is currently occupied—"_ but the door opened despite this warning.

" _Fujitaka-ou_ ," a tall, somewhat wizened man entered and bowed low. "I have a very grave matter to press."

"I did not give you permission to enter," the king snapped. "Get out,  _now._ "

" _Iie,_ it's alright, we weren't talking about anything important!" Syaoran bowed at the King, and then at the lord. "I'll leave you to your business! Your Majesty, Your Lordship."

" _Sy—"_

He had never left a room faster in his life, and pretended he did not hear the king call his name. How could he make the king put matters of the state on hold for his own personal failures? That was not right.

He was out of the palace when he realized he had left the king without actually being dismissed. That was a terrible conduct of nightmarish proportions.

He was really in for it now.


	4. Inadequate Portions

"There are all these royal guards just standing around," said Yusuke from his seat in the office. "Are they on a stakeout or something?"

Syaoran also looked out the window, noting three guards at the corner of one street. They were, in fact, casually chatting amongst themselves and not paying much attention to their surroundings.

"I don't know," he replied. "Strange. Huh."

He had gone home the previous night feeling like an utter failure of a human being, but after a night of anxious tossing and turning, morning came with the sky still above his head and the world going on as it was. He did notice the presence of guards on his way to work, but they had ignored him, so he dismissed them as being irrelevant.

"What happened after the prince dragged you away?"

Syaoran did not want to talk about that. "You mean after you guys totally betrayed me?"

Yusuke snorted. "Come on, spill. You never tell us what it's like to be with the royal family."

"They're like any family," Syaoran replied, which was true. "Anyway, don't think I'll be able to go back anytime soon."

"Why?"

Syaoran gestured at the papers. "Because we have to build everything from scratch?"

He and Yusuke had met at the office to discuss budget, since Syaoran had inadvertently destroyed their project. There was some money left over, and Syaoran could request more…maybe. It depended on how angry the king was at him.

Yusuke saw the twisted expression on his face. "Did something happen?"

"Well…" Syaoran sighed. "I don't know how happy the king is with me right now."

"What did you do?"

"I kind of…" Syaoran lowered his voice, "just…left in the middle of a conversation. Without being excused."

" _Nani?_ Are you crazy?"

Syaoran just groaned.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it was awkward, alright?"

"Are you serious? You left because it was  _awkward_."

"I—" there was no way to make the situation better, so Syaoran just looked at Yusuke miserably.

"Our King is a kind king, but he's still a  _king_. And he treated you so well. How could you have been so rude and ungrateful?"

The equilibrium Syaoran found in the morning shattered abruptly. "I know. I messed up."

"And you came to  _work_ today? You should have gone to the palace to apologize! You kids can be so immature sometimes!"

A lump formed in Syaoran's stomach.  _Oh no._ Yusuke was right. If Syaoran had any chance of mending fences, he had blown it.

Yusuke seemed to realize Syaoran was panicking. He sighed.

"Look, it's not noon yet. Why don't you head on over there to see him right now? You're not even fifteen yet, and the king has two children of his own. He'd likely understand that you're just a kid. Benefits of being young."

That sounded even more daunting. Syaoran rubbed his head.

"You have to do this, you know," said Yusuke.

"Yeah yeah."

Yusuke frowned. "What exactly happened,  _Syaoran-san_ _?_ "

"I don't know. First I set something on fire. They had to put it out. The Queen told me it was just a growth spurt and that it's going to be alright. I don't know. Then they sent for the King—I don't know why—and then he started…bringing up that other time."

Outside of the palace, no one knew about the alternate timeline. No one remembered Clow Reed. It had been Queen Nadeshiko's decision; having those overlapping memories promised to be too confusing and discomfiting. She and Priest Yukito performed an elaborate ritual to clear those memories from the rest of the realm. Yusuke, however, knew about the situation. Syaoran was not sure who told him; it was not him. He had a feeling it was the king.

"Wasn't he your father in that other time?"

"He was…sort of."  _More like grandfather._

"You were upset," Yusuke realized. "That was why you set whatever it was on fire, right? I've sort of heard of this before."

"Well it's not exactly a happy topic."

"Does explain a lot. You should still go to the palace and apologize; you don't just  _walk away_ from the king, no matter how upset you are. The king can upset others; you can't upset the king. But he's likely to forgive you for this, especially since he still thinks of you as his son."

"I don't know."

"Well it's true," Yusuke frowned even more. "How do  _you_ think of him?"

Syaoran really did not want to talk about this. "He's my king. How else should I think of him?"

"What did he say that upset you so much?"

"Nothing important," the boy said, tones firm.

Yusuke backed down. "Well, even if it's not important, you should still go seek His Majesty out before it becomes even more of a problem."

Syaoran looked out the window, grimacing.

" _Syaoran-san._ "

"I'm going, I'm going… _Kami-sama…"_

* * *

The King, of course, was busy. Syaoran found his path barred by one of the councilors leaving the courtroom.

"He's discussing with the rest of the council," said the man, Lord Minato. He was a man in his forties and never seemed to like Syaoran, in either timeline, though he was never overtly antagonistic. "Is it urgent?"

" _Iie."_ _Just urgent in the sense that I should get this over with sooner rather than later._ Not that Syaoran was particularly looking forward to facing the music.

Minato stared at him for a moment. He was an intimidating man even on a good day. He was tall, his face was very sculpted, and his eyes were hard as flint. He was not particularly verbose, mostly because he did not need to be; one look was enough to convey his displeasure, and to prompt those who worked for him into carrying out swift justice. He was very wealthy and had a lot of vassals under his influence. In the other timeline, Syaoran recalled, King Touya had been very hesitant to offend him. King Fujitaka likely had more authority than his son, but Minato was not someone to be crossed.

"What are you seeking the King's audience for, boy?"

Syaoran looked at him and thought about his old experiences facing down the likes of Fei Wong Reed, who was far more dangerous than this man. "A personal matter. Nothing I need to disturb His Majesty with right now." He bowed. "Good day, Lord Minato."

He turned to leave.

"Stop," said Minato. "I did not give you permission to go, young man."

Syaoran did stop, though his heart twisted with defiance. He turned to face Lord Minato, looking him in the eye.

"My lord. Is there something you need?"

Minato approached. "You were gone from the palace for a while. Some mission, according to  _Tennou Heika_. Now you are around all the time again, and there is talk, from the servants, that the King means for you to stay at the palace. Why is that?"

That was not any of his business.

"I have no idea what you're talking about,  _Minato-sama._ The King has not expressed this to me." Which was technically true, since it was Sakura who had told him this.

"Indeed?" Minato searched his face. "You must mean a great deal to the king."

"I can't imagine why," Syaoran said blandly. "I'm just a humble commoner, with no family and no background. If that is all, my lord, may I please be excused?"

There was a heavy silence as Minato contemplated this.

"You may go," said the man.

Syaoran bowed and left.

* * *

"You could have waited, _baka_ ," Yusuke groaned in exasperation when Syaoran came back to work.

"I was creeped out by one of the lords, alright?" Syaoran said this in a low voice so his words would not carry.

"Which lord?"

"Lord Minato."

"Lord Minato? You were intimidated by Lord Minato."

"I wasn't  _intimidated,_ " Syaoran exclaimed defensively, even though he kind of was. "But it was really awkward and he would have asked me really invasive questions had I stayed. Already asked me invasive questions, actually."

"What invasive questions?"

"Like 'why does the king care at all about you', 'where do you plan on living in the near future', stuff like that."

"…What the…?"

"I know! Right?"

"Why do you think he was asking you these things?"

"I don't know! I was there?"

"He could have ignored you! Nobles do that!"

That was true. It was what Lord Minato usually did. "I guess. I mean,  _Fujitaka-ou_ really  _was_ going out of his way for me."  _Giving me this job, inviting me to dinner…_ "Maybe he was just intrigued as to why."

"Maybe. You'd know better than me, but what sort of person  _is_ Lord Minato? He seems really strict and stern, but overall not a bad man."

"I never got the impression he was necessarily a  _good_ man," Syaoran muttered. "He always seemed to be above such things."

"Ugh. Well, maybe go during lunch?"

Syaoran groaned. "Maybe the gods are sending me a message to stay away from the palace forever."

"That wouldn't be good," Yusuke pointed out. "The king was the one that authorized this project."

Syaoran wilted, wishing he could redirect the conversation to said project, but knowing that his latest gaffe would probably cost all of them their jobs.

"What did the king say to you?" Yusuke asked. "What upset you so much?"

Syaoran bit his lip and sulked.

" _Syaoran-san_ ," Yusuke reached over the table to lay a hand on his shoulder, "talk to me. What did he say? Maybe I can help you."

"You can't help me," Syaoran looked away. "It's my own stupidity."

"Well maybe I can bounce ideas back. Come on, surely I'm not as bad as the king?"

"Pfft." Syaoran leaned back, and managed to drag out, "he asked about my imprisonment."

Yusuke frowned. "You were imprisoned?"

Syaoran nodded. It was easier to talk to someone who had nothing to do with the whole thing. "When I turned fourteen, a sorcerer came and took me prisoner. Locked me up for a while."

Yusuke was very pale. " _Syaoran-san._ I had no idea. Why would he ask you about that now of all times? Did he just learn about it?"

Syaoran shook his head. "He's known. He just decided it was relevant, all of the sudden."

"To what? Does he blame you for the setback? Because that wasn't your fault."

" _Iie._ It's…it's because my magic's been volatile, lately." Syaoran's voice had gone low and rough. The tears had collected in the back of his throat, threatening to shoot to his eyes. "I mean, you've noticed. And he feels it's because…of that. Trauma, or something, but I'm not traumatized. I'm fine. Nothing really happened."

"Oh  _Syaoran-san,_ " Yusuke's forehead furrowed, "have you talked to anyone else about this? The princess? Does she know?"

"She knew I was imprisoned. I mean, she didn't know  _everything_ that happened…and she's gone through a lot herself. There isn't much to say anyway." Syaoran looked out the window. "He said some mean things, tried to shame me, took what he wanted and then locked me up until I broke free. That was all. He didn't even torture me. It's not like he put any spells on me, or killed anyone I loved—I mean he tried, but he didn't even succeed. So it's not why my magic is volatile. Apparently it's just the growth spurt, that's all."

There was an awkward pause, before Yusuke scooted around and reached out to take his hands. " _Syaoran-san_ , it still hurts you. Anyone can see it. Maybe the king was being forward, but it's still probably a good idea to talk to someone, so someone knows exactly what happened to you during that time."

"Well I can't just plop down in front of someone and tell them this. What would I even say? This bad guy was mean to me? It's so stupid."

"It's not stupid," Yusuke squeezed his hands. "You're a remarkable kid. No one doubts that even for a second. It's normal to be scared. To still be scared. You broke out on your own, but you probably wished that someone was out there to find you, and you didn't think anyone was."

Syaoran was ashamed to realize that the tears in his throat did not exactly stay there. "Well," he said, voice watery, and shrugged in an attempt to look casual despite his streaming eyes, "I'm use to it. I should be, anyway." He withdrew his hands and laughed nervously while wiping his face. "It—it really wasn't that bad. I don't know why I'm like this. I wasn't even like this before…it's so silly."

"It's not silly." Yusuke leaned forward. "What do you mean he 'took what he wanted'?"

Syaoran did not really understand why he even answered, except that Yusuke just looked like a trustworthy man all of the sudden, and some childish part of him wanted to unload. "He took blood. Samples…and…"

He was not even sure how to say it.

Yusuke's face blanched even more after a moment of silence. "He…" he lowered his voice and leaned close, "did he…?"

Syaoran did not answer one way or another, but something in his expression must have confirmed it for the man.

" _Syaoran-toto,_ of  _course_ he hurt you. That counts. And of  _course_ you'd feel hurt by it."

Syaoran shook his head. "It didn't actually hurt."

"Doesn't matter."

Syaoran shook his head, regretting the whole conversation. "Let's—let's not talk about this."

"Why don't I go to the king?"

Startled, the boy blinked at the man. "Why?"

"Because this is kind of an adult thing and I'd know how to word it better."

Syaoran scowled. "Are you calling me a  _child_?"

Yusuke blew a raspberry at him. "Don't try that with me, young man."

"Don't 'young man' me, you hypocrite," Syaoran scoffed.

"You have to speak with Sora anyway about getting the pillars together."

Syaoran sighed and buried his face in his hands. Those pillars. That he destroyed. "I can't believe I did that."

"Believe it or not," said Yusuke, slapping him on the shoulder, "it happened, and you have to fix it. The question is whether we want those to come  _with_ runes, which would cost a fortune, or if we want to give a go at not including the runes one more time and seeing if we can still pull it off."

"I should make  _you_ guys pay for it," Syaoran snarked. "If you had told me the prince was lurking right behind me the entire time, I wouldn't have startled, so really, it was your fault."

"Pfft. Keep dreaming, kid."

"One of these days, Yusuke…"

* * *

Syaoran went and talked to Sora and two of the other engineers, where they ended up having a long discussion about costs and the prices of alternatives. When it was time for lunch, the two of them went to seek out the others to go get something to eat.

"Where's Yusuke?"

"Bastard bounced about an hour ago."

"Oh no," Syaoran had totally forgotten about Yusuke's offer. "He didn't!"

"Didn't what?"

Syaoran broke away from the group and headed downstairs.

" _Syaoran-san!"_

_"Li-sama!"_

"Where are you going?" Sora demanded. "Aren't you going to get food?"

"You guys go ahead! I need to do some damage control!"

He ran out into the streets like a maniac, but traffic was high at this time of the day, and it seemed everything, from people to horses to camels to wagons, had made it a mission to get in his way.

He made it down two blocks before being trapped at an intersection. He went up and down that block, looking for some kind of opening, but everyone was going too fast. If he crossed the street, it would run him over.

"Boy!" someone yelled loudly. Syaoran ignored this, still intent on crossing. "Boy! Hey! What are you doing?"

He finally turned his head and found five or six teenage boys, all older than him (or appeared to be so), snickering and looking  _right_ at him. Their clothes were fine and brightly-colored, and they each wore a fancy hat.

 _Fops._ Syaoran dismissed them, going back to the agenda at hand, but all of the sudden felt a sharp pain slice through his back. He jumped, stumbled, and whirled around to find the teenagers laughing uproariously at him. One of them still had sparks flashing at his fingertips.

"Oooohhhhh look at that, he's mad now, look at that!"

"Oooooh, what are you going to do? Eh? What are you going to do, little  _gaki?_ "

 _Gods_ , he did not have time for this! Syaoran raised his hand, intending to send a mighty wind to  _blow_ these brats out of the way—well, mighty as in, just a moderate wind really, since a real one would require an incantation and could do real damage. He  _needed_ to cross the street, and he just did not have time to deal with these losers—

A huge gust of  _fire_ spewed toward them. Their laughter turned into screams.

 _"Kami-sama!"_ Syaoran squeaked, as the spell instantly winked out of sight, but one of their pants remained lit, and the poor sod shrieked before running down the block. "Blast!  _Nan—Ugh!"_

The others of the group stared after the boy stupidly, mesmerized by the sight. Syaoran was legitimately worried that the teen might suffer some third degree burns. No one else on the block attempted to put the fire out, all stepping out of the way in horror as the hollering youth blazed past. With a muttered oath, Syaoran took off after him, shooting water ( _water, just water, not some other element_ ) at the rear.

At least the boy had the decency to run in a straight line, and Syaoran's aim was true, but he did not summon enough water, and the kid then crossed the street—and then a bunch of oxen-pulled carriages rolled past, blocking Syaoran's view and getting drenched in the process.

In the end, the teen put the fire out himself by falling and rolling over.

And then the royal guards arrived.

* * *

 

The captain of the royal guard slammed the door open. "Li! Someone here to see you!"

Syaoran lifted his head to look up. Past the bars, Prince Touya strode into the room behind the captain, who was unlocking the doors to the cell.

" _Ouji-sama!_ " the guard watching Syaoran shot to his feet. Prince Touya extended an arm to him to dismiss his salute.

"Well?" the captain exclaimed, when Syaoran did not do the same. "Aren't you going to greet the prince?"

Syaoran slowly got to his feet, limbs weighed down by the chains. He was not sure how to feel about all of this. At the moment, rotting in this cell for eternity seemed like the better alternative to whatever awaited him. " _Ouji-sama_ ," he mumbled.

"Hurry up and take those things off him," the prince drawled. "I don't have all day."

" _Hai, Ouji-sama."_

Prince Touya rolled his eyes.

Having the chains off did not make Syaoran's limbs feel any lighter. In fact, it was almost harder to move. He managed to exit the cell.

Prince Touya gave him a look of utter disgust. "Come on now! I don't have all day!" He beckoned impatiently, and Syaoran had no choice but to obey. The prince made him move ahead to the door, but suddenly grabbed Syaoran by the arm when he did move past. "What on earth is this?"

" _Nani?"_

"This blood. Whose blood is it? What did you do?" The prince looked at Syaoran in alarm, before suddenly yanking at his tunic.

"Hey!" Syaoran yelled, grabbing at his own shirt and twisting out of the way. He winced when that pulled something on the skin of his back. "What are you doing?"

Prince Touya groaned. "Hold still,  _baka_!" Without further ado, he pulled Syaoran's shirt out from under his belt. Syaoran squeaked, turning away and trying to make a break for it, but the guard stationed in the room grabbed him before he could get anywhere.

"Oh come on!" he heard the prince exclaim. "When did that get there? Did you idiots put that there?"

" _Iie, Ouji-sama!"_

"For crying out loud, did you just let him sit like that for the last four hours?" the prince spat in disgust. "No one even bothered to get some  _salve_ onto this?" He yanked Syaoran's tunic down, though it still hung loose outside the belt. Syaoran chose that moment to crane his neck around so that he could take a look at what the prince was worried about.

"Oh," he exclaimed, because the back of his shirt was  _covered_ with dried blood.  _They threw a spell at me,_ he realized.

The guards were apologizing. "We thought he was disturbing the peace, sire—"

" _You're_ disturbing  _my_ peace," the prince snapped, grabbing Syaoran by the shoulders. "I'll decide what to do with you lot later.  _Ototo-kun,_ come along," and Syaoran found himself being pushed out.

Prince Touya had come with an entourage, who all looked at Syaoran with amazement (and why not? He was a commoner being pushed by a prince out of a jail). There was a carriage, which the prince shoved Syaoran into. Cramped as those things were, Syaoran had no choice but to lean back—which actually made his back hurt  _a lot_.

 _Huh._ He had no idea his back had been bleeding at all, but  _ow,_ does it hurt now.

Prince Touya climbed in after him. "To the palace! Go on now!" And the carriage surged forward.

The prince sighed and leaned against the wall on his side, looking sideways at Syaoran with an exasperated scowl. Syaoran kept his eyes downcast. He really did not know what to do. Between setting back the project (even if it was sort of worked into the budget and schedule, but still), insulting the king, and then nearly killing someone because his magic had decided to grow a mind of its own, and now the Crown Prince himself had come personally to fetch him from  _jail_ , Syaoran was not sure if he could withstand any more humiliation.

"You hurt anywhere else?" the prince asked.

After a moment, Syaoran managed to shake his head. As far as he knew, he had not been hurt otherwise.

"What happened?"

How could Syaoran even begin to explain? He was trying to get to the palace to stop a coworker from…spilling the beans? Airing out his dirty laundry? And then he was trying to cross a street but could not cross because it was too  _busy?_ What was he, four years old? And then instead of ignoring the rich kids as a mature adult would, he tried to lash back with a wind spell but ended up casting a fire spell instead?

His hands lifted and he rubbed his face. He wished he were back in that cell.

Prince Touya sighed. "Whatever. I'll figure it out from Jun." He reached out and ruffled Syaoran's hair. "You're just causing problems everywhere you go, aren't you?"

Syaoran wilted into himself, folding his hands on his lap. " _Gomen nasai._ "

" _Iie._ I'm the one who is sorry. I didn't mean that." The prince blew out a breath. "I forget all the time that you're always worried about causing trouble for others. That's not what this is, alright? Though I never did expect you to get arrested for anything. You're always so well-behaved."

Syaoran wilted further.

"Hey hey hey," Prince Touya suddenly wrapped an arm around him, "I know you still are. You're a good kid. They hurt you first, didn't they?"

Syaoran looked up at him.

"Really? I'm not stupid. Your wound was definitely in the back. They got you unawares. I know this lot. They like abusing commoners and thought you were common. Too bad they didn't realize they were dealing with a Li Syaoran in the midst of a growth spurt," the prince's lips twitched in mirth.

Syaoran looked away, unable to share the other's amusement. Prince Touya was being  _nice._   _This must be a trap._

"I'm sorry you were there for so long," said the prince. "I didn't know about this until now. I came as soon as I heard."

" _Arigatou gozaimasu, Ouji-sama._ " Syaoran bowed the best he could.

Prince Touya withdrew his arm at this, looking faintly disappointed. He did not say anything for the rest of the journey.


	5. A Day in Jail Means a Day Off Work

Syaoran realized two things when they reached the palace: he was starving, and Prince Touya's ears were like a cat.

"I can hear your stomach growling from like two feet away," said the young man. "Fortunately we're in time for dinner."

Syaoran was not sure this qualified as 'fortunate', considering everything that had happened that day, but who was he to argue with the prince after the latter got him out of jail? And in any case, his stomach was cramping so vehemently by the time they entered the hall that Syaoran would be willing to face even Sakura's wrath if only he could get a bite to eat.

" _Syaoran-kun,_ " the Queen was the one who greeted them first. Prince Touya strode over to the table.

"They threw a whipping spell at him," he announced to the world at large (including King Fujitaka, who was already seated, and Sakura, who was behind Queen Nadeshiko). "I'm stuffing food in him and then taking him to to his room to call the doctor in."

"They threw what?" the Queen drew back to look at Syaoran properly. "Where?"

"Back," her son was directing one of the servants to load a tray. "Won't be joining you this time. He needs to get cleaned up."

"That's really not necessary…" Syaoran said awkwardly, "it's not really that serious…" really, the pain was superficial and only when he put pressure on it. It did not even really hurt when he moved.

"Shut up and do as you're told," the prince ordered.

Queen Nadeshiko threw her son a warning look, but did not contest his command. "Are you hurt elsewhere, child?"

"I'm fine."

Syaoran's stomach chose that moment to release a truly impressive gurgle.

_Kami-sama…_

"Why don't you hurry on up and get changed. We'll bring you dinner.  _Kami-sama!_ There's so much blood!"

"It looks worse than it is…"

"You should have seen the other kid," the prince came over to grab Syaoran by the arms. "Poor sod won't be able to sit for weeks."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, but the prince had already swung Syaoran out of the room.

Queen Nadeshiko chose to remain behind with her daughter, but King Fujitaka followed them up the stairs to Syaoran's room. Prince Touya gave a brief summary of what had happened earlier that morning.

"I got a report from one of the officers telling me that Lord Jinaka's son, Akira, was injured by some thug on the street. They were telling me all these things about how his pants got burnt off, apparently he had blisters from his waist all the way down to his knees. Figured he got what was coming; what was the brat doing out in the streets anyway? Should be doing his lessons. In any case he was with the Six Losers; they were the ones that told me how this doe-eyed brunette boy was arrested—threw a wall of fire at them. I thought it might have been Li Syaoran. It just sounds like the sort of stunt he'd pull."

Syaoran thought this assessment was somewhat unfair; it was not like he made a habit of setting people on fire. Before he could open his mouth, however, he reflected that he  _did_ seem to be destroying things lately, and his protests caught in his throat.

The healer made some sympathetic noises when he saw the state of his back; Syaoran had no idea what to make of  _that_ , exactly. He applied some salve and some bandages, during which time Priest Yukito also showed up.

"Growth spurt?" he guessed.

 _Does everyone know about this growth spurt except me?_ Syaoran wondered.

"It worked in his favor," said the prince.

King Fujitaka had remained silent this entire time; Syaoran was afraid to look at his expression.

"Did they know that they were dealing with Li Syaoran?" the priest wondered.

"Well the guards knew him."

"How odd. Are you planning on looking into that?"

"Of course," the prince declared. "That can wait till morning, though. I like making them sweat."

Syaoran had no idea what this meant, but something in the prince's voice sounded very vindictive.

When the healer was done, the servant brought the food tray, so Syaoran kept his eyes on the food.

"Go on," said Priest Yukito, "you must be famished."

Sure. Why not. He was starving, and he certainly was not doing anything important at the moment. Syaoran's dignity was already in tatters, and he was pretty certain there was nothing he could do that would  _worsen_ anyone's opinion of him right now. He reached out and started stuffing his face.

"Goodness!" the prince exclaimed. "No one's stealing that food from you, you know!"

"Why don't you and  _Yukito-san_ go downstairs," said the king. "Your mother and sister are waiting."

"Won't you be joining us,  _Otou-sama?_ "

"Go on ahead."

Syaoran swore in his mind. Was the king going to stay and  _talk_ to him? His appetite shrank until it was nonexistent, and he could not swallow even though his stomach continued to gnaw. He chewed with his head bowed, afraid to look up.

The king, as if to torment Syaoran, stayed agonizingly silent for a long time. Syaoran chewed until the foot was tasteless in his mouth. At last, King Fujitaka sat down next to Syaoran.

"Did you think we were going to leave you there?" the man asked.

Syaoran was afraid to look up, and his mouth was full, so all he could manage was a muffled " _Ommph?_ "

The king inhaled deeply. "My daughter would have gone to fetch you herself, if she had been aware. Certainly, if I had known I would have ordered someone to bring you home."

Syaoran tried to swallow, but the lump of food was sticking to his mouth. He bowed his head lower.

The king sighed. "You are a smart boy. You've always been. And you've always been aware of your place. I wish you weren't. You were always so brave. Honorable. Certain of yourself. When you came back this time, it is hard to connect you to what you had been. You're such a shy creature now. Fearful. What happened to make you afraid of me? You must have known we would welcome you home; you chose to come back here. Or did you believe Sakura would be the only one to miss you?"

Syaoran honestly did not know what to say. How could he explain that coming back to Clow took far more courage than anything else Syaoran ever did? He recalled previous conversations with the king, when the man astutely pointed out that his parents leaving him felt like abandonment, and thought that for all the generosity the royal family showed him, none of it felt real. Outside of these private moments, he was always shown evidence that he did not really belong. Lord Minato. Akira with the burning pants. Syaoran was always a commoner, who really had no business being close to the princess or her family other than being useful in one way or another. He did not belong to this circle, did not belong to their society. And the answer to King Fujitaka's question was yes: Syaoran did entertain the possibility that he was going to simply rot in that cell. Why would the king choose him over a noble? And with his magical growth spurt setting things on fire and nearly killing (or at least injuring) the Crown Prince, at any point they could all decide that he was not worth it. Princess Sakura was the only person whose friendship felt more solid, but there were so many times when Syaoran felt inadequate that it would not have surprised him if she came to think the same.

"What happened when you were with Fei Wong Reed?"

This again. Syaoran turned his head away. He kept trying to swallow but felt compelled to chew. It was like the food had turned to glue. This again. What was with the king's preoccupation with it?

" _Syaoran-kun,_ " the king whispered, "I need to know. The less you say, the more I sense that Fei Wong Reed did something terrible to you. If he had, that is nothing to be ashamed of, but you must not carry that burden alone."

"It—" his mouth was full, so he stopped to swallow and actually succeeded. "It wasn't like that."

"Then tell me what it was."

Syaoran fell silent, stumped. He did not want King Fujitaka to think that Fei Wong had done all sorts of things to him, but he knew no more about how to explain than he did with Yusuke. Less, even. He ended up gesturing helplessly to himself. "I'm fine. I don't—I was just—"  _Scared. Ashamed. Helpless._

"Then did he say something to you?"

"He barely spoke to me." This was easier to convey. "He didn't even try very hard to get me to do what he wanted. Said I didn't matter anyway, that I never did." He did totally predict that Syaoran would lose everything he held dear. The memory made Syaoran feel cold and lightheaded.

King Fujitaka must have noticed there was a change, because he was suddenly holding Syaoran, who felt weak and sick and unable to support his weight. He moved Syaoran to the bed and laid him flat before calling out for a healer. Queen Nadeshiko arrived after the healer did, and scolded the king as the healer checked Syaoran over.

"Whatever it was could wait until the poor boy ate more than a mouthful," she chastised. "Why would you stand around and watch him eat? That is so awkward. And then peppering him with questions that you know the child finds difficult to hear, let alone answer."

Syaoran was just fatigued, the healer declared. He needed food, but mainly salted liquids. Some soup, he suggested, and whatever else Syaoran could stomach. King Fujitaka wanted to stay to make sure Syaoran remained fine, but Queen Nadeshiko dragged him out impatiently. "Poor lad's suffered enough of your thoughtlessness.  _Ugh, men._ "

* * *

The healer had stayed, made sure Syaoran ate, and then Syaoran fell asleep. He had been an old, wizened man, Syaoran reflected, and exuded a sort of kindness that had the boy relaxing his guard in a way he could not recall ever doing with anyone except his parents, Fujitaka, and Fay and Kurogane. He slept all night and well into the morning.

The princess had been checking on him periodically, though she had allowed him to wake on his own.

"He can't sit," she giggled uncontrollably with a kind of dark glee that was quite alien to her nature. "And he's all gooped up. He tried to complain to  _Oni-sama_ when he visited and  _Oni-sama_ suggested he pick on people his own size. He looks ridiculous now; he has to wear a skirt, and even  _that_ chafes."

The king had gone to court. The prince and Priest Yukito had long since finished breakfast and had gone out to their respective duties. Queen Nadeshiko was supervising the household, which left him with Sakura alone. Syaoran wondered if he should go to work himself, but the princess seemed to believe he was staying.

"Let's go walk in the garden, if you're up for it," she suggested when Syaoran finished eating, so they went.

The sun was intense, but the garden was shaded and cool. Sakura took Syaoran's hand in hers and sighed happily as she linked their fingers together.

"I am really glad you are here," she said.

Syaoran squeezed her soft hand, feeling warm inside. "Me too."

"I want all our days to be like this," Sakura declared. "You, me, enjoying this garden, just being together. Do you like this?"

"Of course."

Something changed about Sakura's grip; it became firmer, though not too tight or painful. "I thought when you finally come home, all our days would be like this, but ever since you came back you've been…restless."

The warmth seemed to blow out with a gust of cold. Syaoran started withdrawing his hand, but Sakura held fast.

"You've started fumbling around, and…I don't know. You seem to draw away more. It's like all of the sudden you're not comfortable with any of us. Even me. I don't understand; we've been through so much together and you know me practically better than I know myself. Did something happen while you were away?"

" _Iie._ Nothing. I just—I guess I'm not use to settling down." Syaoran looked away even though his hand was still trapped in Sakura's. "It…it sometimes doesn't feel real. It…usually doesn't feel real," he admitted. "Sometimes I look at the king and I want to call him ' _Otou-san'._ But I can't do that—even you and your brother don't call him that."

"It  _is_ confusing," Sakura agreed. "I have her memories too. And  _Otou-sama_ has memories of his life as an archaeologist. He sometimes talks about you that way, like these personality quirks and habits that you had that you still have."

"That was the—the  _other_ though."

"Well when he had you, it was your soul that was animating the body," Sakura pointed out. "For the record, if you called him  _'Otou-san',_ I don't think he'd be mad. Even he mixes it up sometimes. Being royalty use to be all he knew, but now he knows what it's like being a commoner and he kind of misses that. He misses that stupid fried dough you like getting in the morning."

"It's not stupid though!"

"You can't eat that thing  _every_ morning! It's nothing but salt and bread that's fried to a crisp!"

"It's easy though! You just get it at the cart, and it's tasty!"

Sakura glowered. "Tastier than my breakfast boxes, you mean?"

"Well, I don't know," Syaoran could not resist teasing. "Did you actually make them or were you just bringing me the ones from your cook and pretending it was you?"

" _Syaoran-kun!_ " but Sakura laughed. "Such impudence! See if I ever go through that effort again! You rascal! And don't try to distract me because that won't work. That dough tastes good at first but you really can't eat that every morning, I swear—"

"But not everyone can afford to have a royal breakfast every day, you know."

" _Hai,_ but  _you_ can."

"…"

Sakura glowered at him. "Come on, that was not that huge of a leap. You're living here. Why wouldn't you have a royal breakfast?"

"But—what am I…expected to do?" Syaoran looked at her, hoping to convey his need for guidance. "I mean…I'm not even related to you…or anyone, and…I can't just  _live_ here!"

Sakura frowned at him. "Why would you need to do anything? What on earth do you mean?"

"I mean…" Syaoran had no idea how to say. "In…in return for living here?"

The princess stared at him like he just said the dumbest thing she had ever heard.

"What do you mean, do something in return for living here? You're living here because we want you here! Why do you think? Unless you don't  _want_ to live here?"

" _Iie!_ It's not—"

"And even if you don't, you can wait until you're old enough to live on your own!"

"I just don't want to impose though. And I can take care of myself. When my magic behaves itself, anyway. Is it really wise to keep me around when I'm like this?"

Sakura grimaced. "Did someone intimidate you or something? I don't understand. I thought we all made it clear that we don't care. Everyone knows about the growth spurt,  _Syaoran,_ " and the lack of honorific was a little jarring given her stern countenance. "Has it ever occurred to you that you can hurt  _yourself_ if you're all by yourself? If you get startled and your magic goes wild,  _you_ can get hurt too, and it's just better to have people around to help you. Most of all, you are important to us. You're not imposing at all. How long have you felt this way?"

"Well," he admitted, "ever since I came back. I mean…I'm not needed here. Anymore. You're safe. And…I don't have anyone here. No family. I just…I didn't want to be annoying. And…you must know I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I'm really thankful that you and your family are so welcoming but I didn't want to cause trouble—"

"Stop. Stop stop stop." Sakura let go of his hand and rubbed her temples as if to ward off a headache. " _Hoeeeeeeee—_ alright. Syaoran, I want to make this very clear: we  _are_ your family. You are not imposing. You are not trouble. You are not  _invading_ anyone's lives—my idiot of a brother is just bad at cracking jokes. If anyone says that you are, I will reorganize their face myself. For the record, this project you're working on is  _not_ somehow some kind of service for room and board and whatever—it's because you're too smart for the usual tutors and  _Otou-sama_ honestly didn't know how to keep you occupied every day. I mean, he could give you a position to run a department or a province, but that's more stressful than fun and no one would take a fourteen-year-old seriously."

Syaoran was floored by this information. "He gave me the project so I could have  _fun?_ "

"Why else did you think?!" Sakura grimaced as she shook her head at him. "If anything, you're making it difficult for us to do anything for  _you_ , so stop. Just stop. Stop worrying. If you slip and call  _Otou-sama—_ I mean you should call him  _Otou-sama_ but if you call him  _Otou-san_ instead, that's fine. It's confusing. We all understand. But stop  _thinking_ so much. You're getting everyone on edge and making yourself sick. Next time the Six Losers or anyone tries to pick on you, tell them you are Li Syaoran.  _Otou-sama_ already made the announcement to the court back when you first arrived, so they  _know_ that messing with you means messing with us. You're so impossible."

Syaoran gaped. He had no idea the King had extended his protection of Syaoran this way.

"Stop overthinking things," Sakura chastised, and then moved close to hug him. Syaoran embraced her back, still feeling stunned.

* * *

He ended up spending the entire day with Sakura, which made her very happy. Syaoran, too, had a great time, so much so that he was startled when he realized it was evening. Court adjourned late, and from the meeting hall, the various lords spilled out, each of them appearing preoccupied. Syaoran and Sakura encountered them in the corridors on the way out.

One of them looked at Syaoran and gave him a particularly scrutinizing look. Syaoran wondered why, and then realized that this might be Akira's father, Lord Jinaka.

" _Syaoran-kun,_ " the king approached in his court regalia. Syaoran jumped. "Good to see you up and about. How is it healing?"

He meant the back. Syaoran honestly barely noticed all day. He bowed. "It is healing well,  _Heika-sama._ "

"I totally forgot about that," Sakura admitted. "He wasn't favoring anything though."

"That is good," the king nodded, pleased. "The healer said it was superficial. With the salve it should heal with minimal scarring."

Syaoran was aware of people staring at them. The king had to have noticed too, but he went on talking as if this were of no concern at all, and even looped his arm around Syaoran in a blatant gesture of favoritism.

"Where are you two off to?"

"Nowhere in particular," Sakura giggled. "We just came down here to see if you're anywhere close to being done,  _Otou-sama_."

"Well you came just in time," and with a gentle pressure, King Fujitaka guided Syaoran to walk with him, and Sakura looped around to her father's other side. "I am famished and thirsty."

He was tired, and though he was patient and kind as always, he lacked the energy to indulge much in conversation. They had an early supper, during which Sakura and Prince Touya did most of the talking. The prince apparently was planning on heading out to one of the military bases for an unannounced quality assessment. As prince, he use to have limited experience on this front, but he possessed the memories of when he was king and was now more familiar with such proceedings.

Syaoran wondered how the man felt, being downgraded to simply being heir again, but this felt too rude to ask aloud.

"Maybe I should take Li Syaoran with me," the prince remarked. "Make him useful somehow."

"Oh?" the king seemed somewhat displeased. "How exactly do you plan on using him, my son?"

"Fetch things for me," the prince shrugged. "Entertain me when I'm bored. I might even toss him out to test the soldiers; for a scrawny brat, he can actually fight halfway decently."

" _Syaoran-kun_ is a good fighter," the king replied with an affected mildness, "and he does so without question in the defense of others, but at heart he is a scholar, not a warrior. Other warriors would not notice because he does fight so well, but that is not the setting in which he thrives."

His tones were placid, and his expression was neutral, so Syaoran was not sure how he knew that the king was angry. Prince Touya seemed to sense the same thing.

"That is true," he relented. "Well, perhaps you are stuck with your water project then. If it ever comes to fruition."

"It will," said the king, cutting the prince off before he could make any more snarky comments. "According to Yusuke, they are close. It is actually very impressive. I did not anticipate that you would get this far so soon."

Syaoran gulped. Right. The king had been asking Syaoran about what had happened with Fei Wong, like he had never talked to Yusuke…but he did after all.

"That is wonderful," the queen declared. "I can't even imagine all the possibilities."

Sakura beamed at Syaoran, who summoned a smile back, but something else occurred to him. "I did not go to work today," he admitted. "I wonder if Yusuke is angry."

"Why would he be angry with his boss?" King Fujitaka dismissed. "After yesterday, I think you deserve a day off."

"You know," the queen said to her husband, " _Syaoran-kun_ has no protections when he is outside the palace grounds. Members of your court are aware of his name and face, but the lower officials aren't. I think it is time we commissioned a badge for him to carry."

" _Hai,"_ her husband agreed, "I like that idea."

" _Matte_ … _nani?_ " Syaoran looked between them.

"Maybe put it on a collar and tie it around his neck," the prince grinned toothily. "Otherwise he'd lose it."

"I'll task you with getting this done," the king said to the prince, ignoring his last remarks.

" _Hai!_ " The prince then gave Syaoran a particularly evil smirk.

Syaoran opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"Very good." King Fujitaka looked at Syaoran again. "This will prevent such unfortunate events like yesterday from happening. In time we will elect something less subtle, but for now this will do."

"And a leash," the prince insisted.

"You're not funny,  _Oni-sama_ ," Sakura groaned.


	6. Life Plays On, Fumbles and All

Going back to the project felt very strange after learning that he was given it mainly to occupy himself. Syaoran had a difficult time deciding how to feel about this. He had thought he was doing something meaningful, but if the king had allowed him to do it simply because it was all a  _game_ …well, in a way it actually made him feel more obsolete than ever.

He was also a little upset at Yusuke.

"I didn't actually give you permission to talk to the King," he sulked.

"I didn't tell him everything," the man gave him a look from across the table where they worked. "I just didn't want him to stay angry with you for ditching him the other night."

"Then what on earth did you say?"

"I didn't end up saying much," Yusuke admitted. "For one thing, he didn't seem angry with you at all. As soon as he saw me, he asked me if you were alright. He seemed more worried than anything. I ended up giving him some updates on where the project is going. I only mentioned a little bit when he said you were upset."

"What on earth did you say?!"

"I said that time is hard for you to talk about, that's all."

Syaoran groaned.

"Look, I couldn't give him  _nothing_. Let's be real."

Syaoran groaned again. "He's going to keep asking."

"Why not just tell him? The way you told me? He's not going to press for details."

Syaoran stared at Yusuke incredulously. "I can't tell him!"

"Why  _not?_ "

"Because!" Syaoran swallowed. "Besides, he already doesn't take me seriously. You know he gave me this job to 'keep me occupied'?"

"How now?"

" _Hai._ The princess confirmed it yesterday. She said he thought it might be fun."

"Well," Yusuke said cautiously, "if you don't enjoy it maybe you can tell him so."

" _Iie,_ that's not it!" Syaoran sighed in frustration. He grabbed his hair. "You—you know I don't have—have family. Not anymore."

"… _Syaoran-san?_ "

"They left." And tears welled from his eyes again, despite his best efforts. "I wanted to come back to Clow and they said go ahead without us and here I am." He grabbed his face to cover his eyes. "I came here without anything and basically begged the King to let me stay and support me. Ugh. I don't know what to do anymore."

" _Syaoran-san,_ you're  _way_ overthinking this. I don't know what the issues are with your family, but anyone with eyes worth being called as such can tell that the king cares a lot about you. And this might have escaped you, but you're fourteen years old. You know what other fourteen-year-olds are doing now? They're going to school or getting lessons from tutors. You already know way more than men twice your age, so clearly you don't need more lessons or schooling, but what else are you supposed to do?"

"Work?" Syaoran looked at him. What kind of question was that?

"Well you are, aren't you?" Yusuke pointed out. "And the King is authorizing a ton of money on something that's supposed to just be a hobby. I don't know,  _Syaoran-san_. Seems like he does take you seriously. So what if he also happened to want to keep you occupied? That's what I would do with a fourteen-year-old boy. I'd kiss his feet if my son turns out so good and talented that an irrigation project qualifies as 'keeping him occupied'. And really, would you seriously feel better if the King made you do something you  _don't_ enjoy doing?"

Syaoran sighed reluctantly. "You're right."

"Of course I'm right, you little rascal." Yusuke pointed at the documents. "Just like I'm right about this."

"This" was a series of plans for the new foundation to hold the reactor and the water reservoir, one which, Yusuke insisted, would dodge the need for runes.

"You want to add  _wood_ to theframework?" Syaoran cocked an eyebrow.

"I know this might seem counterintuitive," Yusuke insisted, "but hear me out. We were using stone and metal, because Metal produces Water and Earth defeats Water which holds it in check, but what are storms made of? Water and Wind. Wood produces Wind."

He was drawing up on the concepts of the five main elements: Water, Fire, Earth, Wood, and Metal. Very often, Metal and Earth went together anyway and was commonly referred to as just "Earth". Since Clow had no Water (hence the irrigation project), they had to find some way to exploit the elements they did have in order to produce water. Rivers start in mountains, which were Metal-based, and were stored in the ground, which was Earth-based, and that was the original basis of the construction.

"But Wind has nothing to do with Water," Syaoran shook his head, before thinking about it. "Though it does direct storms. Hm…where there are no trees, there is also no rain."

"We can try models."

Syaoran scratched his head. "That wasn't how the other realm did it but…alright. We'll try the models."

* * *

It felt good to use magic for constructive ends, Syaoran decided.

The task of applying principles to engineering tools and machines. The more intellectual discussions of predicted outcomes and alternatives. He actually felt like a normal person, in many ways, as opposed to a tool to be used by Fei Wong Reed, or a desperate survivor trying to fight for those he cared about. Strange as King Fujitaka's remarks had been, he was right: at heart, Syaoran was not a warrior. He might fight well enough to pass for one, but he was a thinker first. In the first timeline, he had not been able to indulge in this side of him very much, and in the second time, though he followed his clone through the half of his soul buried in the other's eye, the other half, trapped in that tank and at Reed's mercy, had been too preoccupied with his imprisonment and the wider circumstances to take much joy in the relatively philosophical lifestyle the other lived. Now, he was free, and with this all in perspective…he felt good.

It certainly felt better to be working than to face evenings with the royal family. Syaoran still felt awkward and uncomfortable. When it was just Sakura, he could not be happier, but it was so odd to be living in the palace, getting seen to by servants. They all gave him weird looks, for one, like they could not understand why he was there, and Syaoran did not know how to react to this because he did not understand either.

Things got more uncomfortable when the queen somehow decided that Syaoran needed a new wardrobe.

"These are getting too small," she declared one afternoon when Syaoran found her in the chambers assigned to him, holding up one of his shirts. Somehow all of his clothes had been moved from his original home. Along with the rest of his stuff. "You also have very few clothes to begin with. Were we paying you so little before?"

" _Iie_! I'm just…uh…not good at picking clothes?"

She clicked her tongue. "I'll summon the tailor to take your measurements; do these hems even reach your ankles? It's atrocious."

"You really don't need to do that, Your Majesty—"

" _Syaoran-san,_ " the queen gave him a warning look, "it is impolite to refuse a gift from the queen."

Getting measured for new clothing was  _boring_ , not to mention kind of humiliating with all the handmaidens standing around watching him with the tailor. He was pretty sure his face was going to become permanently red with how hot it had been feeling. Then the fabrics—some of them were far too… _flowery_. Prince Touya sometimes wore such fabrics, but he could actually pull them off without looking like a sissy. Syaoran was pretty sure he would just end up looking like a girl. And not a pretty one.

Then, with the new clothes, Syaoran found a new challenge: he had to go to work in these, fine silks and muslin weaves. He had to go in the  _streets_ in these. And Queen Nadeshiko did away with all his old clothes while he was at work, so he had nothing else to wear.

"I love that this is your biggest problem now," Sakura teased him. "'What do I wear today to go to work?'"

"It's a real problem!" Syaoran exclaimed. "I can't go out like this, everyone's going to think I stole them!"

"That doesn't even make sense! They obviously fit you so how could you have stolen them?"

"From someone with a similar build? And I have to go out into the field once we finish the simulations and it's going to get all dusty and ruin these things out there!"

"You're ridiculous,  _Syaoran-kun._ "

"How is this ridiculous? And everyone is going to stare at me!"

"They stare at you because you're attractive, silly," the princess pinched his cheeks. "But you're right. Perhaps these clothes are not for the fields.  _Oka-sama_ does get very eager sometimes. I'll pick out some fabrics for you."

"Not  _more_ clothes…" Syaoran groaned.

"Well we certainly can't do with less, since you already don't have anything appropriate to wear." Sakura shook her head. "Common sense,  _Syaoran-kun._ "

"You'll find something simple?"

"Of course. That's the purpose of this, isn't it?"

"And cheap?" When she raised an eyebrow, Syaoran hurriedly exclaimed, "no I don't mean  _cheap,_ I mean, like, common. I really don't want to stand out."

"You're ridiculous,  _Syaoran-kun._ What's wrong with looking like you're part of the royal family?"

"But I'm not!" Syaoran lamented. "Everyone's going to think I'm an imposter! Even I think I'm an imposter!"

"Imposter? Why would you think you're an imposter? I know you're you and you know you're you. Who told you you were an imposter? Was it my brother? Then why do you think you're an imposter?"

Syaoran had a hard time articulating the answers to these questions, which led to Sakura getting somewhat angry.

"We're the ones that invited you to live here! We're the ones giving you the clothes! It's not like you  _tricked_ us! We're not that stupid either!"

"Alright," Syaoran tried to soothe her, "I didn't mean to upset you." He was not sure why she was upset in the first place.

"I'm not upset!" Sakura exclaimed, sounding very much upset. "I just hate that you have such trust issues, and it's all my fault!"

Syaoran opened his mouth, not sure whether he wanted to address her claim that he had trust issues, or her claim that this was her fault. He decided that the latter was more important than reaffirming his emotional health.

"How is this any of your fault? Over the course of everything that has happened, you're the one with the least blame!"

"Oh you're ridiculous," Sakura growled, "but I won't explain why, because you'll find some way to make this a reason to hide when you're hurting all the more, and instead of setting paintings on fire you might accidentally set  _yourself_ on fire. Let me put it this way: if you don't wear the clothes  _I_ pick for you, I will order you to go to work in  _my_ clothes. As Princess of Clow. And you can stuff that imposter feeling somewhere next to  _Oni-sama's_ sense of humor."

"…but I can't fit in your clothes…"

"Then you'd better wear the ones I pick for you,  _hai?_ "

The other project managers and workers whistled when they saw him in his new garb, which, to Sakura's credit, was as sensible as it was sophisticated. Sora mentioned that Syaoran looked sharp. Everyone appreciated the look. No one thought it was out of the ordinary though.

Syaoran wondered at that.

All things considered, things went smoothly for a while. With Prince Touya away to examine the military base, there were no more mishaps in the palace, or at work. Sakura provided regular updates on Akira's progress; apparently he had started wearing pants again. She seemed very amused by his plight. Syaoran was just relieved the royal family did not seem angry with him.

At work, the models simulated the reservoir and reactor, and Yusuke's idea of adding wood to the framework proved promising. Syaoran observed the results and gave the go-ahead. The plans were sent to begin construction of the real-sized model.

With these steps moving forward, the team went out to the tavern. As they did the last time this stage of the process was met, they tried to get Syaoran to drink. When Syaoran nervously tried to refuse, Sora exclaimed, "That's what you did  _last time_ , and look what happened!"

Drinking, Syaoran decided, must be one of those unpleasant rites-of-passage, like when boys prove their manhood by sticking their hands in a swarm of stinging ants without crying, or other such things, because the taste was not very pleasant. Still, he downed a whole drink, gulping as quickly as he could because it tasted so foul, and then another. Yusuke stopped the engineer trying to give Syaoran a sixth, but by then Syaoran was not entirely sure which hand was his right hand, or, in fact, what the deal was with hands.

"Why are people's nails so thin?" he exclaimed. "Why don't we have claws? Why aren't nails made of bone? And why five fingers on each hand?"

"This is kind of hilarious," Yusuke said to Sora.

"So _Li-sama_ ," one of the secretaries scooted close, "you're living at the palace now, huh? With the King and Queen? And the Prince and Princess?"

" _Un,_ "

"What are they like? You got anything good to spill?"

"They're normal," Syaoran was still fascinated by his hands. "They also all have five fingers on each hand.  _Sakura-hime's_ are long and slender. She's really pretty."

"You like her, don't you,  _Li-sama?_ "

"I like her," Syaoran said guilelessly, feeling his face heat up with pleasure. "She's so beautiful. When she walks into the room, it just lights up. She's like the sun. The sun makes  _sakura_ blossoms grow! Did you know she and I have the same birthday? It's the first of April, when cherry blossoms bloom."

"Are they alright with this?" One of the engineers slurred; he had downed about five shots in the last half hour. "I mean, does the King know you like her? Kind of surprising that he'd let you live so close to his daughter if he did."

"Why?"

"Because; if it were me, I wouldn't let any random boy near my daughter until she's at least twenty-five! What if he had designs on her?"

"Oh." Something about this was confusing. Syaoran could not pinpoint what.

"He doesn't have  _designs_ on the princess,  _baka,_ are you nuts?"

" _Li-sama_ is the most innocent baby in all of Clow.  _Li-sama_ , remember that mark on  _Chyo's_ neck? Which insect did she say bit her?"

"She said a mosquito," Syaoran remembered, which was weird because he was pretty sure mosquitoes caused swelling, not… _bruising_.

For some reason everyone was snickering at him. They were doing the same thing when he had asked her what insect bit her earlier that day.

"Oh you're such a  _gaki_ , Mei," Sato Chyo exclaimed.

"See? One look at  _Li-sama_ , even a fool would know the princess is safe. And  _Fujitaka-ou_ is no fool."

"Well the King always did seem to favor  _Li-sama_ ; he's like a family friend, or something."

"How did you get to know the royal family anyway?"

Syaoran's brain presented images of the first meeting, Queen Nadeshiko and King Fujitaka smiling warmly down on him and the princess. "I met  _Sakura-hime_ when I was seven and we were friends ever since."

"You think you'll get the girl?"

" _Sasuke!_ He's fourteen!"

"You realize she's a princess and he's a commoner?" someone suddenly pointed out. "The King's not going to let her marry just anyone."

Syaoran felt like the words knocked the wind out of him.

 _"They'll all leave you,"_ Fei Wong had whispered to him, back when the sorcerer had tried to convert Syaoran to his cause instead of just cloning him.  _"What do you imagine would happen, if you ever escape me? As you are, all desecrated, they'll see a ruin. Why would they settle for such a thing?"_

"I want to try the fruit," he slurred, referring to a fruit-flavored sake.

"Not today," Sora grabbed his flailing wrist. "Drink some water. You're going to get an epic hangover tomorrow and you hardly need to get more dehydrated."

"But I want to try the fruit!" There was a name for it, but he could not remember what it was, and his tongue felt too big for his mouth. He lunged from his seat and nearly faceplanted on the floor if not for Yusuke, who hauled him up.

"Alright. He's done. We're taking you home."

"I have no home," Syaoran shook his head as the world swam around him. "I want to stay here forever."

" _Heika-sama_ is going to murder all of us for letting his precious ward get to this state," Yusuke looped Syaoran's arm around his neck.

"I'm not his precious ward," Syaoran mumbled. "He wouldn't care."

Yusuke was walking him out, though, and Syaoran could not quite plant his feet.

" _Iie._ I don't want to go back."  _Ruined ruined ruined ruined ruined._ Odd how he could feel so ruined when he had ten fingers and ten toes like everyone else. His toes were not really working, though. His body tilted and Yusuke practically had to carry his full weight.

"Come on, boss. Don't you know how many people would pay their whole living for a chance to live at the palace?"

"I don't live at the palace," Syaoran insisted. "I'm just a guest." They were probably waiting for an opportunity to kick him out. "I need to set out soon to save the princess."

"Oh boy. You already did that,  _Syaoran-san._ "

"I did?" When did that happen? Oh wait. "I did. Huh." Sakura will be alright.

"Right, and you live at the palace."

"I don't live at the palace." Syaoran shoved Yusuke off. "I don't know why they want me there."

"Well they do and they're going to kill all of us but it's going to be slower and more painful if I don't bring you back."

"But I don't want you to be killed!" Syaoran exclaimed in horror. " _Fujitaka-ou_ wouldn't do that! He's the best king. He's the nicest king. Out of all the places I've been to, he's the best, and he's wise, and he's smart, and he's fair—"

" _Kami-sama,"_ Yusuke exclaimed.

* * *

Syaoran argued with Yusuke the entire length of their trek. They somehow made it to the palace gates before Syaoran was even aware of how they got there. After passing them and entering the front doors to the main hall, Syaoran doubled his efforts to escape.

"You're so mean," he exclaimed. "You're not listening to me."

"You're really chatty when you're drunk," said the man.

"Is that bad?"

"I guess it could go either way."

"I'm bad," Syaoran said thoughtfully. "Reed said I'm bad now. He said no one would want me after he was through, and it's true. I thought he fixed me when he put me in the tank but it figures that he wouldn't do something that nice. He just wanted me good enough so he can take more samples in case the clone broke. But what was in that water? I couldn't see because I could only see out of my right eye. Ow." He had stubbed his toe.

" _Heika—"_ Yusuke started, but Syaoran talked right over him.

"Did you know my father is kind of my son? Reed stuck this giant needle in my butt. It hurt a lot but he didn't care. Said that was where he can get the right samples for cloning. I passed out, and then my butt was so sore afterwards I couldn't sit."

"I thought you said he didn't hurt you."

"Well he was just taking samples. It wasn't torture or anything like that." Syaoran looked up.  _Kami-sama!_ It was the archaeologist!  _"Otou-san!_ " He pushed away from Yusuke and staggered, falling face-first into his father's arms. Well, his clone's father's arms. He still felt that hug though and _oh_ , how he missed it! "I missed you so much! Even though you don't actually know me, but I saw everything and felt everything and I was really sad when you died, I didn't want you to die, plus I liked you better as an archaeologist than a king; you hugged me more and weren't as posh."

"How much did you let this child drink?" Fujitaka asked in a carefully-controlled tone.

"I have failed you,  _Heika-sama._ I wasn't watching carefully and the others—"

"He  _reeks._ "

Syaoran started crying. "I don't mean to! I don't know why, I try and try and everything just gets worse the more I fix them—"

"Not  _you_ , child.  _Kami-sama—_ "

"Please don't throw me away!"

"No one's throwing you away. You, get out of my sight—I'll deal with you later." And then there was that hug again, so clearly Fujitaka did not actually want Syaoranto get out of his sight, but it made Syaoran sob harder because he had missed Fujitaka as much as the clone did.

"He needs to sleep this off," he heard the queen say.

"Who?" Syaoran looked up.

"It's alright," Fujitaka soothed, "because I am here, and I've got you, and I'm not letting you go. You hear?"

He smiled at Syaoran, with a strangely sad look in his eyes.

"I'm not letting you go either," Syaoran declared.

"You can ask him about—"

"Not now," said Fujitaka. "If it were merely my knowing, I could have asked you or Priest Yukito to use the  _yumemi_. He needs to confide in us on his own. My son, come. It is time for bed."

He turned, arm still wrapped tightly around Syaoran, and Syaoran saw Sakura looking a little stunned and bewildered.

"I love you," he said to her, nonetheless happy to see her.

"I love you too," she stated plainly, "but you are drunker than Kurogane after a fight with Fay."

"I'm not drunk," Syaoran protested. He meant to come up with arguments to prove he was not, but then got really confused. "How do you prove you're not drunk?" he asked aloud.

" _Kami-sama,_ " Sakura exclaimed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …Underage drinking? I feel like it's not really necessarily a thing because what do I know about drinking laws in Clow?


	7. The Morning After

Syaoran slept well, and he did not have a hangover.

Those were pretty much the only good things about the following morning.

"The King is so angry," one of the handmaidens informed Syaoran as she was doing the bed once Syaoran vacated it. "He's in the courtroom with a bunch of mages and engineers and it's like he's on a warpath."

Horrified, Syaoran dashed toward the courtroom as soon as he was dressed, but Priest Yukito intercepted him and kept him from entering.

"This is none of your concern," he told the teen. "He's busy and you shouldn't interrupt the session. How are you feeling?"

"What did I do?" Syaoran exclaimed, because the memories of last night were alarmingly fuzzy and despite the friendly tones, the priest's expression was also alarmingly upset.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

" _What did I do?!"_

"Relax. Alcohol makes you loose-lipped. I'm sure you've witnessed this.  _Sakura-chan_ told me that the little creature use to down  _sake_ like a starving newborn downs milk, and then there's that ninja warrior who would always get hammered whenever he quarrels with your mage friend."

Actually, Kurogane was not a talkative drunk. He was a little bit of an angry drunk though, which was expected given that he often drank when he was angry to start with.

"Really," Priest Yukito went on, "the King was not angry with you as much as he was angry with the adults who were passing you the drinks."

"Why?"

"Because you are a child—"

"I'm not a child!" Syaoran pointed out. "I'm technically twenty-one going on twenty-two, even if physically I'm fourteen."

"You're technically fourteen," the priest replied dryly. "Repeating seven years of your childhood does not make you an adult. That's not how it works. At the very least, if you were technically twenty-one, you wouldn't have inhaled five glasses of highly-concentrated alcohol without realizing what that would do to you."

"Why?" Syaoran exclaimed. "No one else realized what that would do to me." How were they supposed to know? He had seen Kurogane down a whole jar twice the size of his head with little effect, and of course, Mokona was a bottomless pit. Maybe Syaoran was just a lightweight?

Priest Yukito looked at him for a moment.

"I suppose no one else was technically an adult either," he said, voice loaded with displeasure. "In any case, the king has chosen to deal with this personally. There should not be a repeat of this incident."

This was not exactly comforting. "But what did I do?" he exclaimed plaintively. "Please,  _Yukito-sama_ , I need to know!" What if he did something super embarrassing, like sing or dance naked or something?  _Is that why the King is so mad?_

"Seriously, you didn't do anything. You were yammering some gibberish; no one could understand half of what you were saying."

"…Oh." Well, that made sense, and Syaoran could almost feel better about this. He sighed. "Is…is the King ashamed of me?"

" _Nani?_ " The young man peered at him. "Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know. I embarrassed him. And I must have made a fool of myself." Even if he did not go around singing and dancing naked. "I mean, he put his faith in me and…and I let him down."

"You didn't let him down," Priest Yukito's eyes were very piercing. "Never,  _Syaoran-kun._ He was worried about you. We all were. Bad things can happen to people when they are that compromised, and it's particularly concerning when those who were supposed to protect and support you allow you to get to that state."

Syaoran finally realized that the King was meeting with these people because  _they_ were the ones in trouble, not  _him._ " _Kami-sama._ It's not their fault—"

"Syaoran," Priest Yukito's arm held him firmly in place, "do not go in there." His voice carried an authority rarely projected at Syaoran personally. "This is none of your concern."

"But—"

"Come with me," the priest pulled, and for all his slight figure, he was actually quite strong; Syaoran tried to resist to no avail.

"Wait, I need to explain to  _Heika-sama—_ "

"Syaoran," Priest Yukito's voice was softer, "I'm going to tell you something you're not going to like."

Syaoran stilled.

"Your colleagues hurt you," the priest said gravely. "They betrayed you. They took advantage of your youth and naiveté without any concern for your health, your dignity, your person. They were people who were supposed to care about you, protect you and defend you, and instead they poisoned you. Alcohol is a poison,  _Syaoran-kun._ Particularly when you're still a child, you're smaller than the average man, they've never seen you drink before, particularly when  _you've_ never drunk before, they had no way of knowing that it wouldn't hurt you and they forced it in you anyway. You weren't permanently damaged from last night; you weren't broken, but you were hurt. These people hurt you."

Syaoran started to shake. " _Iie._ That's not true. You're exaggerating—"

Priest Yukito pressed the teen to him more firmly. "I'm so sorry,  _Syaoran-kun._ Clow was supposed to be your home, where you're finally safe and surrounded by people who love you."

Syaoran shook his head desperately. " _Iie._ They didn't mean to do it. It's not like—"

"Perhaps hurting you was not their motivation," Priest Yukito replied, "but they didn't care for your well-being and treated you like a joke. You, their boss, and a child besides. That you are here, unscathed, is our good fortune, but it's no thanks to this lot."

Tears were welling out of his eyes, and it was all Syaoran could do to hold them back. His eyes stung from the effort; he was afraid that blinking would spill them.

"I don't understand," he whispered.

Priest Yukito tucked him into a hug. "Don't worry about it. All you need to know is that the king will do right by you. Those vermin will not get away with this. No one who even thinks of hurting you would ever get away with it. This I promise."

"But I don't want anyone to be hurt."

"I know," said the priest. "You're a good boy. You always have been. Now, come away. How are you feeling?"

"I'm not…" Syaoran shuddered, still wrestling with the notion that he was so  _helpless._ He was  _responsible_ for these people, and they were in trouble because of  _him_. "but…we were just having fun…"

Priest Yukito squeezed his nape in reassurance. "Have you eaten yet? I have no idea if you even ate a proper dinner yesterday. Let's get some food in you; you are a growing lad, after all."

* * *

He could not eat, knowing that tensions were high in the courtroom. He went to find the Queen in the hopes that maybe she could persuade the King to forget about the whole incident, or blame it on him, or something—Priest Yukito followed, heaving long-suffering sighs.

"I know I messed up," he stammered, because even Queen Nadeshiko was looking kind of intimidating all of the sudden, "but they shouldn't suffer for my mistakes."

Queen Nadeshiko was embroidering, and her needle did not stop as she replied, "How exactly did you 'mess up',  _Syaoran-kun?_ "

Was she really doing this? Of all people, Syaoran would never have expected the queen to put him on the spot like this.

"Well I shouldn't have drunk so much," Syaoran flushed. "I mean…" He knew what alcohol did. He was not an idiot.

"Then why did you?" she asked.

"Well I didn't—I don't know."

 _Kami-sama_ , he could not do anything right.

"I'm curious,  _Syaoran-kun;_ you say you shouldn't have drunk so much. How much should you have drunk, then?"

"…" Syaoran was practically sweating. "…Well…I guess I shouldn't have drunk any."

"Why did you, then?"

"…Because I was stupid." He was so stupid. Syaoran resisted the urge to tear out his hair.

"Did your parents ever tell you that drinking is wrong?"

"… _Iie._ " His parents never had a chance to tell him such things, since the last time he was actually with them was when he was seven years old, and the archaeologist—well, it was technically the _other_ , but he never said anything about drinking being  _prohibited—_

"Did anyone tell you that drinking is wrong?"

"Well, good people drink, I guess, it's not  _wrong_ , really—"

"Then why shouldn't you have drunk alcohol?"

"So that this wouldn't happen!" Why was she tormenting him this way?

"So what made you drink then?" the Queen looked at him. "Were you upset?"

" _Nani?_ _Iie!_ We were making good progress on the project, and…we were out celebrating, and everyone else was buying drinks, and…and…"

"And they said you should get some too," the queen finished, "because the last time you went out, you didn't drink, and you had a setback."

She knew? Syaoran blinked owlishly at her.

"Do you think you would have gotten so drunk from only one drink?"

"Well, I've never—"

"So you didn't know. In fact, you still don't."

"… _Iie._ "

"Did you know what was in those drinks?" she finally put her work down. "Do you know what any of such things even mean? What kind of impact they would have on you and your mind? You realize different brews have different concentrations. Cocktails generally have more than the mixers would have you expect. Drinking quickly would affect you more than sipping slowly. A full-grown warrior would have a higher tolerance than a young, adolescent boy. Did anyone talk to you about this? Has anyone guided you through this?"

Syaoran blinked. He had seen Mokona drink. He had seen Kurogane and Fay drink. He had seen others drink on his travels. He did not realize there were so many nuances to all of this, though. It was not like he sat down with Kurogane to have an extensive talk about the art of swallowing liquid, even if it was fermented. He supposed such things may be conversations between children and their parents, but the last—the last time he could have had a chance for that, he was seven. Even the clone never had a chance to talk to Fujitaka about such things.

"Even if you did and you were going through a rebellious phase," Queen Nadeshiko went on, "they still had a duty to supervise you on this front, to stop you from your own impulsive behavior—because you are fourteen years old, and they are adults. And the fact that you truly never knew, did not intend to do this, makes this all the more inexcusable, but this was not your fault. We knew as soon as Ichikawa brought you home."

_Home._

His mind skittered away from that, and he focused instead on Queen Nadeshiko assuming that the workers would know anything about Syaoran's true level of ignorance. "They didn't know that I—"

"They were laughing at how innocent you were," the Queen said sharply, "and how you weren't versed in adult matters, all the while feeding you drinks that would compromise your own judgment and ability to defend yourself. Do you know what could happen when you're so inebriated? You, a young, handsome child, without any awareness of your surroundings and the people you were with, unable to even walk properly? If you were in danger, you wouldn't have been able to stand straight, let alone run, let alone fight to defend yourself. You could have blacked out and people could have done all sorts of things to you and you would have no idea. While you might not have thought of this, because you are yet inexperienced in such matters and could not be expected to know; they certainly did. They pushed you, manipulated you, all for their own enjoyment. They wanted to see what you would be like when you were intoxicated. They thought it would be funny. And they did not care about the consequences; unlike you, they knew what those were. Perhaps they assumed that you would be safe as long as you were with them, but I will tell you right now that no decent person would intentionally make a child sick—which you very well were, even if you could have been sicker—and which they very well knew you would become."

Syaoran turned his head away. He had hoped that the Queen might be able to soothe the King's rage…it sounded like she was actually just as angry. And he did not know what to say or feel. He felt helpless, and the knowledge that he had  _been_ helpless—it chilled him and…made him want to cry.

"All these years," said the Queen, "you were always suffering consequences that were not yours to suffer, making decisions that should never have been yours to make. You've conducted yourself well, and through all this you've remained true to your values and your virtues. If we know nothing else, we know the great goodness of your heart. We knew as soon as we saw you that none of this was your fault. We knew that someone had taken advantage of you. This will not happen again. I know this may be difficult to understand; these are people you have trusted. That we have told you to trust, because we played a part in authorizing the assembly of your team. For that, I am truly sorry,  _Syaoran-kun._ This was our failure. But none of this is your fault. Their destiny is not on your head. None of what will happen is anything you can control. These people chose their own fate."

Hearing the Queen say such a thing was a shock in itself. Queen Nadeshiko had always been so kind, so benevolent, so  _motherly_ in many ways. Syaoran covered his eyes. He started to shake, and felt—magic sparking inside him, like nervous twitches.

Silk and soft warmth enveloped him. The Queen embraced him firmly.

"It's going to be alright. The King is a fair man., and I promise, you are a good child, and you remain so, so good. Nothing from today will change that."

His head was spinning. He had to sit down before he fell down. Queen Nadeshiko rubbed his arm soothingly as he gasped deep breaths, elbows on his knees. He wanted to curl up on the cushions.  _I'm so sick of bad things happening,_ he thought wildly.

Priest Yukito was saying something to him. Syaoran had no idea what.

He could not just sit. He could not go to the courtroom, but he had to move. He got up from the couch and said something to the Queen without even really hearing himself. He left the room in a fast walk and barely managed not to run.

He was so sick of bad things happening to people, whether or not they deserved it.

He wanted desperately to go home, where life had been simpler then.

 _It wouldn't have been so simple, though._ Life was simple when one is seven years old. He would never have been able to go back to that. Syaoran himself had forever changed. Had changed when he had taken on a new name, went to a new world, forged a new destiny. And now he was lost, because he never had one to begin with and now that time was fixed and the dream ended, everyone seemed to have a place except him, and the feeling of loneliness seemed to sweep over him like a wave and he was spinning in the current, completely at its mercy.

He remembered being pulled into the tank.

"…Syaoran," Priest Yukito's voice seemed to come from far away, but once Syaoran registered it, he became aware of his surroundings. He was in one of the corridors, and had stopped in the middle as he zoned out. Priest Yukito was holding him by the arms. 

"Have you come back to me?" the fair-haired man was asking. "Answer me, child."

Syaoran blinked at him, blinked again, and looked to the side.

"What happened to me last night?" he asked.

Something in the priest's posture settled, as if Syaoran had finally asked the question he wanted to hear.

"Nothing happened to you," he replied. "Ichikawa stopped the others from feeding you more. He took you from the tavern at once and brought you here. The King carried you to bed and you slept it off. Nothing happened to you."

"The  _King_ carried me?" Syaoran blanched.

"Of course he did," the priest said slowly. "He wouldn't have allowed anyone else."

Syaoran had no idea what to say.

"I promise you," the priest was still grasping his arms, "no one touched you. You were safe. You _are_ safe."

"Oh," said Syaoran.

Priest Yukito squeezed his grip. "Are you alright? I'm sorry for scaring you."

"You didn't scare me." Syaoran felt afraid though. He backed away from the man, who allowed him, though a frown pinched his forehead.

" _Syaoran-kun?_ "

"I'm fine. I just…I'd like to be alone right now." He turned away, running through his options. The library? No, his guest quarters would be better—

"I don't think you should be alone right now," said the priest. "I don't like the color on your face. Why don't you come with me? We'll go out into the gardens—"

" _Iie,_ I—I don't feel like going out to the gardens." It was a measure of just how shaken Syaoran felt; normally he would have gone along with Priest Yukito even if he did not want to.

"Then we'll go somewhere else—"

"You must have duties to attend to. Really, I'm fine. I don't want to keep you from your work—"

"I don't have any duties."

Feeling trapped, Syaoran beseeched one last time, "Please, I can't—I  _really_ want to be alone right now—"

"Syaoran," the king's voice spoke almost over his ear.

Syaoran started, jerked away, and tangled his feet together so that he fell to the side and back. It was a hard fall and he was not able to brace himself properly. The back of his head collided with the stone floor, and for a moment he was stunned witless.

When he recovered his senses, the King was holding him, cradling his head. "Are you alright?" the man was asking. "Is your head hurting?"

Not  _hurting_ —not like a headache, anyway, though a mild soreness was starting to bloom from where his skull had hit the ground; there was probably going to be a goose-egg there in an hour or so.

" _Heika-sama!_ " he exclaimed, and started to rise—before realizing that doing so would end up pushing the King back, and he did not want to do  _that_.

The King studied his face. "Stay down," he instructed. "Are you dizzy?"

No, he was not dizzy. He wished he were though, so it would distract him from this utter humiliation.

"I'm alright," he tried to convince the man.

"It was my fault,  _Heika-sama_ ," Priest Yukito apologized. "I was the one who told him what happened. He didn't remember last night."

"Of course he didn't," King Fujitaka said in a weary tone.

" _Gomen nasai_ ," Syaoran whispered miserably. "I didn't mean to cause trouble. I—it wasn't their fault."

The King suddenly gripped his chin and lifted it up. Syaoran met the man's eyes, and there was a hard look in them that had Syaoran's heart quaking in fear.

"You are so young," he stated. "Sometimes…"

He did not finish the thought. He released Syaoran's chin and turned to the side. "Wife. Yukito. I have to return to court. I'll leave him in your hands. And where is my daughter?"

Where  _was_ Sakura?

"She is in one of her lessons," said the Queen, who materialized beside her husband. "I can excuse her, if you think that would be helpful."

" _Iie,_ leave her be. She wouldn't know how to deal with this," the King dismissed with a wave of his hand. He then wrapped a hand around the back of Syaoran's head, where the scalp was becoming tender, and pulled him close. "I'll talk to—I'll be with you later," he said quietly into Syaoran's ear. "Right now I have business to attend to, but I won't be long, and then…you and me, together. Whatever you like, just like old times. How does that sound?"

Syaoran looked up at him, wide-eyed. Was the King really…?

King Fujitaka huffed a laugh when he saw Syaoran's expression, though he seemed sad. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Syaoran's forehead.

"Good child," he said quietly. "Everything will be alright. _Yukito-san_.  _Ka-san_."

" _Heika-sama,"_ said the Queen and priest.

Then the king was gone. The Queen took Syaoran by the shoulders to steer him away.

"You didn't eat well," she reminded him. "Let's give this another shot. A growing boy like you ought to be a bottomless pit. You need food to be strong and tall."


	8. The Problem with Talking (and not talking)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys! Life got in the way. Also Peter Parker (bless that kid's heart but he was always my favorite superhero). Hope you enjoy :P

Sakura essentially told him what everyone else had been telling him. Coming from her, it somehow seemed more believable.

"I mean, you looked like a total fool, don't get me wrong," she patted him on the arm, "but it's about as intelligent as one would expect after having five tumblers of  _uokka_. You told  _Otou-sama_ that you preferred him as a digger than a king; you thought he was the archaeologist and draped yourself all over him."

Syaoran threw up his hands. He was not expecting a particularly dignified picture of the previous night, but there were few ways this could be worse. "Why would anyone drink if they end up doing things like this?"

"I don't know. Did Fei Wong Reed really stick needles into you?"

Syaoran blanched. " _Nani?_ "

"That's what you were saying to Ichikawa. He stuck a giant needle…in you. To get a sample? Of blood or something?"

Syaoran's forehead furrowed. He could not believe he had said that. What would have possessed him to go onto such a topic? He thought he had put that sort of thing away for good.

"Of course he stuck needles," he ended up saying petulantly. "Where did you think the clones came from? Anyway, it's in the past and it doesn't matter."

"It clearly does." Sakura frowned. "And it bothers you. You turned very pale when I mentioned it."

Everyone seemed to be remarking on the color of his face these days, for some reason.

"I mean, it was a giant needle," he said in a far more scathing voice than he ever intended, "so I'm sorry if you're bothered by the fact that I'm bothered by it."

"I'm not bothered. What's with you?" Sakura scowled at him. "You're the one who revealed it."

Syaoran realized that his temper was getting the best of him. He rubbed his face. " _Gomen nasai._ "

Sakura was quiet for a while. "You know," she began softly, "afterwards…when you were away with Fay and Kurogane, I sometimes had dreams. Awful ones. Some of them were about you and the trials you were facing then, but some…some were of you, screaming. Sometimes I heard you sobbing. Pleading for someone to stop. Enough. I'd wake up with a scream stuck in  _my_ throat, but almost always I'd hear from Mokona…or somehow I'd know you were okay. I kept worrying that it was something that would happen in your future. But after you came back, you were so jumpy and restless and nervous. _Otou-sama_ and  _Oka-sama_ were saying that they feel like something had happened to you that you haven't talked about. Then with the growth spurt, and just  _how_ your magic has been lashing out—I mean everyone has a growth spurt, and those with strong offensive magic can destroy a vase or two, but you weren't angry or upset, you were scared. We all kind of figured that something must have happened to you…while you were trapped with Fei Wong Reed. We had no idea what he might have done to you, or if you necessarily even knew. Yesterday was the first hint you gave."

" _Kami-sama—_ " Syaoran did  _not_ want to talk about this.

"Syaoran—"

"For the last time, he didn't do anything, alright! He took some—some samples and then pretty much threw me aside—"

"He stuck needles into you and you were screaming for him to stop. That's not doing nothing—"

"Well you try keeping quiet when people stick needles into you!"

"That's what I'm saying!"

Syaoran looked away. He had no idea why he was even trying to argue with her. He grabbed his face again.

Sakura grabbed his hands, threw them down, and then embraced him.

"I don't know how to help you!" she whispered. "I don't know how to help you feel safe! But you know we love you, right? We will never let anything happen to you."

He blamed what he did next on the fact that he seemed to have taken leave of his senses ever since getting drunk last night.

"I don't _need_ protecting!" He pushed her arms away, unable to handle the feel of them, that temptation to sink into the present and bask in the moment. "I'm not broken! I can take care of myself! And when did you all start caring anyway? All of the sudden I'm a child, a boy, a  _baby_. You folks  _never_ did that before! How many times have I gone out and the King and Queen never cared—why are they starting to worry  _now_ _?_ "

Sakura blinked rapidly, looking like she might cry, but her expression changed and she merely frowned.

"I don't know about them, but  _I_ never wanted you to go."

This was true.

"And if you want the honest truth," Sakura went on, "I think  _Otou-sama_ realized after…the other timeline. He was your father, after all."

"He wasn't my father though."

"You clearly still thought of him as a father. You called him  _Otou-san._ "

Syaoran grimaced.

"I think he thinks of you as a son now," Sakura went on, "and he's also realizing that you've already been hurt."

"I'm not—"

"Shut up."

Syaoran snapped his jaws closed with a click.

"Listen," Sakura exclaimed suddenly, "everyone was all over me when I came back and I wasn't even aware for a good part of it! If I had to go through it then you do too!"

_Well, put it that way…_

"And where did he stick a needle in you?"

"Does it matter?" Syaoran tried to deflect.

"I don't know," she said in a distracted tone, which had Syaoran wondering if he ever mentioned where Fei Wong had stuck a needle in him.  She dropped her arms and looked at him. "I am so angry at them."

"Fei Wong Reed?"

" _Iie._ Fay and Kurogane, and the others."

"Why?"

"Because they just left," Sakura looked away, "and you still needed them. They  _knew_ you needed them and they still left."

Syaoran sighed. "They have their own lives."  _That I'm not part of_.

"Well, I'll find a way to give them a piece of my mind all the same." She reached over and grabbed his hand. "Whatever. At least you're home. They can get lost for all I care."

It was strange to hear such vehemence from her directed toward those Syaoran knew she cared about. "Don't be angry."

"I'm not." She certainly seemed composed. "In any case, I hope  _Otou-sama_ finds you a better group to work with. This bunch stinks."

Syaoran sighed in distress. "What is he planning to do with them?"

"Well, fire them, for one," said Sakura, sounding not at all sympathetic. "Serves them right."

"They have family though. Children."

"They should have thought of that when they went ahead and exploited someone else's child."

"I'm not a child though."

"Pfft. You certainly act like one sometimes."

"When have I ever…?"

"Read. My. Lips," Sakura paused. "No. Survival. Skills."

"I have survival skills!"

"No you don't."

"I do so!"

"Buying fried dough instead of obtaining a healthy breakfast, and forgetting to eat meals do not equate with survival. And you still haven't cleaned my handkerchief."

"It's not dirty."

"See, you can't even tell if something's clean or dirty. An adult should at least be able to do that."

"You're such a bully!" Syaoran laughed. "Wait till  _Ouji-sama_ gets wind of this; his sister is as bad as he is!"

"Oh you did not just say that!"

They were whacking each other with pillows by the time the King found him, with Syaoran laughing until his face felt purple and Sakura giggling so hard she could hardly stand properly. Neither of them could catch their breath enough to greet her father, and eyed him, panting wordlessly. Syaoran could not even feel all that aghast; having Sakura there made the man seem much less intimidating.

King Fujitaka stared back, before bursting out laughing.

"You two look ridiculous!" he informed them.

Sakura's hair was certainly in disarray, and Syaoran, whose hair was messy on the best of days, had to look like a wreck. He happened to be standing closer to the king, and the man extended his hand to gesture the boy closer so he could smooth what he could of Syaoran's head. Sakura used the opportunity to set down her pillow and try to adjust the hairpins herself.

"It's a lost cause," the king said to his daughter.

" _He's_ a lost cause," Sakura insisted, nudging her chin in Syaoran's direction.

"He wears it far better than you, sweetheart," King Fujitaka laughed, and then pressed his hand on Syaoran's opposite shoulder. "Why don't you go straighten yourself out.  _Syaoran-kun_ , come with me."

* * *

Once alone with the king, reality came crashing all over him again, and Syaoran felt compelled to ask about his employees.

"They've been reassigned," the king replied in neutral tones. "We will put the project on hold until we can find other capable individuals for the task."

So there went Syaoran's job. That the king only assigned to keep Syaoran from being bored—well, perhaps this whole affair was doomed to fail anyway.

They went out to the gardens, sitting by a pool with desert lilies and rare, exotic fish. Fujitaka had a long couch prepared, and a table covered with an assorted array of desserts and fruits. He offered a plate to Syaoran, who took it with a muttered word of thanks to the man.

"I've been wanting to talk about before," King Fujitaka began. "It's a sensitive subject for both of us, and I fear I've been going at it all wrong. You always seem so mature for your age, wiser and more patient than most adults. Add to the fact that your arrival was initially for the sake of our daughter—both the Queen and I had regarded you as our savior, here to protect us, rather than a child to be protected. Even now, it feels rather odd taking the reins. We always abided by your decisions and followed your lead."

Syaoran blinked owlishly at the man.

"There are things," the king went on, "that I think were not said, which should be said, and things that were not done that should be done. First of all, I want to say that I am sorry—we are  _all_ sorry."

Syaoran blinked again. "F-f-for what?" he whispered, real terror blooming in his chest.

The king put something else on Syaoran's plate. Syaoran did not even know what it was.

"Before I answer that, I want you to know that we  _all_ love you—and we could not love you more if you had been our own flesh and blood."

Syaoran did not answer, because those words did not make any sense. They swirled around his head without touching his mind or his heart because he could not understand any of it.

"I think we haven't been very clear about our intentions," said the king. "We didn't want to make any assumptions. You had your own parents and your own wishes and we didn't want to impose. We knew you were held captive, and we wanted you to feel free, not trapped. But I think, lately, that has been the wrong approach. You've been searching for an anchor, not trying to fly as you please. While we were waiting for your permission to let us into your life, you were waiting for our permission as well. More than that, you've assumed that you  _needed_ permission. Now that you have no one else to take you from us, we've kept treating you like you have others who claim your heart, and as a result, you feel estranged. So I am going to make this absolutely clear."

He turned fully to face Syaoran.

"You are going to live with us, at least until you come of age—at twenty." He pressed on when Syaoran's mouth fell open. "You will be granted lordship and a style. No, you may not refuse, because I am your father, you are my son, and you will do as I say."

Syaoran's hands trembled, and he had to put the plate down. Fujitaka's arms were around him before he could do anything else. He hugged him so tightly that Syaoran could barely breathe.

"Son," the man's voice sounded raw, ragged, "tell  _Otou-san_ what happened to you. Everything. Tell  _Otou-san._ I can't bear the thought that there were things that horrid man did to you that you are carrying alone. If you tell no one else, tell  _Otou-san._ You must. Tell  _Otou-san_ and it will be better. I promise."

But Syaoran was too overwhelmed. He could not speak. 

 _I don't know what to say._ Where could he even begin? It was so much—seven whole years, time that he had to live through when everyone else simply remembered. He had gone to find his parents but he was no longer really their son and they were no longer really his father and mother. He had never thought about what he wanted to do when he grew up, and now here he was and nothing he had done in the past seven years, fourteen years, twenty-one years, seemed to be of any use at all. Despite knowing, in his head, that he was probably overreacting, Syaoran could not help but feel that he had no place in any world anymore. How could he explain to this man, the king, who had shown him nothing but care and consideration, that he saw nothing in his future that gave him any joy, because he could not see himself belonging, deserving to exist, in the coming days, months, years?

In the end, he did not tell King Fujitaka about what happened with Fei Wong Reed, or Kurogane, Fay, the clones that had served as his parents.

Instead, he breached an even more awkward topic.

"If I asked to marry your daughter," he inquired in a voice that was so steady that Syaoran surprised himself, "would you agree?"

"Not right now," the king replied without hesitation, though not unkindly. "Neither of you are ready. When the time comes, and if you both still want it, I wouldn't be able to envision a better match."

Syaoran looked at the man, blinking at this answer. It did not make sense to him. None of this made any sense.

"The trouble isn't about you and her," King Fujitaka went on, voice quiet. "She has a role to play in this kingdom. One that she did not choose. She was assigned, by being born to the royal family. Same with Touya. By marrying her, you will assume a role as well. And it's not as simple as being a lord and having a style, having the income and estates. I have every intention of allowing you to do with your titles and wealth as you see fit. So long as I am alive, so long as my son lives, we will see to it that you do what makes you happy. But marrying a princess, and the future High Priestess besides, will lock you in to duties that I know you will not enjoy. You would perform them well, as you do with any task at hand, but I hate the thought of you being in a position so unsuitable to your nature."

Syaoran stared ahead. He was not sure he understood at all.

"Wait until you're twenty," said the king. "You didn't have a chance at childhood. We've been trying to give you a second chance. I just wish I know what still haunts you. Do you doubt our feelings for you?"

Syaoran did not reply. His silence seemed answer enough.

"You haven't met adults that you trust," King Fujitaka sighed.

"I trusted Kurogane and Fay."

"Who then abandoned you."

Syaoran looked away.

Strange, how only half an hour ago, he had been laughing hysterically while whacking Sakura's face with a pillow. It almost felt like a different person was doing it.

"I'm not your son," he whispered. "That was the clone. The Other."

"You're not the only one who gets a say," said the king, "and I know more than you, young one. I know my own child, and you are as much mine as Touya and Sakura are. I understand if that is a lot to take in. I know you are afraid of believing it. You are a smart lad, though. You will see that it is the truth, in time. No matter what you do and what you choose to become, that will never change. You were ours the moment you stepped into the palace. You were mine the moment you sent your soul to my arms, and you will continue to be mine whether or not you still choose my daughter, whether or not you choose to remain at the palace once you come of age, whether or not you choose to have anything to do with me. That is what it means to be my child. I have claimed you. My heart is yours. That will never be undone, no matter what lies in our future."

Syaoran looked down at his lap. There must be something wrong with him, he decided, because none of what the king said was even remotely comprehensible. There was a time when he knew what it meant to be someone's child. That had flipped upside down and proved to be a lie all along. Though he understood, peripherally, that the king meant what he said, he could not believe it himself.

People always leave. In the end, Syaoran was never important enough for anyone to keep.

* * *

Without the project, Syaoran was bored out of his mind, which meant he started wandering around the palace estates looking for things to do. Sakura still had lessons, which Syaoran did not need, and so he would go for walks along the grounds, past the stables where the horses snorted at him, unimpressed.

There were certain areas he never went to before, even after knowing the family for so long. The main reason had been because he was afraid of overstepping his boundaries, but something about King Fujitaka's words had him feeling the need to push a little, almost to call the man out on a lie. If he really were a child of the royal family, he should be able to go anywhere within the palace, right?

Which led to Syaoran climbing around on the roofs.

Not exactly mature, Syaoran had to admit, but he certainly would never have gone up there when he was seven years old—he was too short then. After traveling between realms for so long, Syaoran had since dangled over all sorts of heights, from hot-air balloons to jagged cliffs. The palace walls were almost too easy, and the view from the top—well, there was something to be said about standing on top of a building, looking at the world, and knowing that there was nothing keeping him from it or it from him.

 _Liberation_.

He ended up crawling around the surfaces, almost hoping to get caught by someone, though the afternoon passed without any incident, and hunger compelled him to descend eventually. He had just dropped to the ground by the horses and was smoothing out his clothes when a hand clapped on his shoulder.

"Oi!"

Syaoran turned, expecting one of the servants or stable hands, but instead he saw Prince Touya. He jumped in surprise, and something exploded in front of his own face.

A few seconds later, he was blinking up from where he was sprawled on the ground. His vision was painted in a whole myriad of colors.

"Are you alright?" the prince asked.

"Uh," Syaraon blinked. "I think so?"

The prince started laughing at him as he pulled out a handkerchief.

"That was  _amazing_ ," said the tall man. "I mean, out of all the stunts you've pulled, setting your own face on fire—that's got to be a winner. Here, your face is all covered in soot—this is fantastic. You look like a chimney sweep."

_That was me?_

Prince Touya laughed at him the entire way back indoors. He had just arrived back at the palace, and was still in his military uniform. Syaoran could not decide if the prince were an idiot or just the most awful person in the world.

Sakura believed in the latter. "You're horrible,  _Oni-sama._ He could have blinded himself."

"He's  _fine._  It was his own spell. He just got disoriented by the flash."

"He still could have gotten hurt!"

"Oh please," the prince rolled his eyes. "I was right there. I would have kept anything  _truly_ bad from happening."

" _Oni-sama_ is a troll," Sakura declared when the prince left them to change. "He was a troll in the past and he's a troll now."

"Why did he stop by the stables himself? I don't understand."

"Probably because he's a troll."

She complained to the priest. "Can't you keep him in line?"

Priest Yukito eyed Syaoran with amusement. "If you can't do it,  _hime_ , how am I supposed to?"

"He actually listens to you," Sakura complained. "He never listens to me. I keep telling him to leave  _Syaoran-kun_ alone."

"Why is he always the one to provoke your magic like that?" the priest wondered. "Perhaps you need to use your magic; it sounds like you have built up quite an excess."

"I  _have_ been using them," Syaoran moped. "I've to help out the project before it got held, and—"

"And blow up your own face," Prince Touya supplied as he rejoined the group.

"That was  _your_ fault," Sakura glared at her brother.

"I'm starving," the prince ignored her. "Where's food?" He reached out and grabbed a fistful of Syaoran's hair. "We need to feed you too. You're skinnier than an ant."

A spike of adrenaline rushed through his blood. Syaoran reached up and grabbed the prince by the wrist; it was all he could do  _not_ to release a spell.

"Let go," he heard himself say. "Please let go."

The prince released him, and for a moment all Syaoran could feel was relief that he had done as asked, because if he had not, Syaoran was not sure what he was going to do. As the seconds dragged on, though, he realized all three of the others were staring at him.

"Relax," the prince drawled. "Your hair was a hopeless case anyway."

Syaoran ran his fingers through his hair. He did not trust himself to speak.

"Stop manhandling him," Sakura scolded.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"I might just blow your face off."

"I don't know when you two started having these sibling spats all the time," Priest Yukito came around, his arm coming around Syaoran to guide him away. "And you'd think that after being king once, you'd be more mature."

"Pfft. Maturity is overrated."

"Maturity is beyond your comprehension," Sakura snarked.

"What do  _you_ know about maturity?"

"Loads more than you, clearly!"

"Talk to me," Priest Yukito said in a low voice to Syaoran as they crossed into the balcony leading to the stairs. "What happened?"

"I don't know," Syaoran was still shaken. "That never happened before."

Kurogane had ruffled his hair. So did Fay. Mokona use to bounce on top of his head. Syaoran had also gotten yanked back and forth before—much harder than the prince did. King Fujitaka had just smoothed over his head earlier that day.

"You know he would never actually hurt you."

"I know," Syaoran whispered back. "I don't understand why this keeps happening.  _Ouji-sama_ never did anything to me."

"Was it something Fei Wong Reed did?"

Syaoran blinked, then yanked himself violently away from the priest.

"Why is everyone talking about Fei Wong Reed?" he demanded loudly. Priest Yukito halted, and the royal siblings stopped their bickering. Along the balcony and the corridor, the servants also paused in their tasks to watch. "I don't want to talk about Fei Wong Reed! I don't want to  _think_ about that man! Why do you keep bringing him up? He's  _dead!_ It's over! It's time to move on!"

"Alright," said the priest, reaching out in a placating gesture. " _Gomen nasai_. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Why do you keep asking me these things? Why don't you ask  _her?_ " Syaoran pointed at her. "Fei Wong Reed also hurt her! Hurt her even more than he hurt me! Maybe you should focus on the princess instead! She's the one you should care more about!"

" _Syaoran-kun!_ " Sakura exclaimed, dismayed, and Syaoran realized he made a mistake.

What was he thinking, dragging Sakura into this?

_I wasn't thinking._

"She's not the one blowing up her own face because she can't control her own powers," Prince Touya said flatly.

Syaoran had not quite collected himself. "Well maybe if you stop provoking me with stupid questions, I wouldn't be doing that either!"

There was a pop. Everyone turned around to look. Across the hall, hanging from the ceiling, was a crystal chandelier. One of the attachments had exploded. In the next instant, it descended and landed on the floor with a thunderous crash. Several lights flickered out, while crystals went flying, bouncing off the walls and rolling on the floor.

" _Kami-sama!"_  Syaoran cried, because he could not tell if someone had been crushed  _under_ it.

Priest Yukito and Prince Touya dashed down the stairs as the servants also moved to the scene. Syaoran hung back, too stunned to move. Sakura joined him, taking him by the hand, but looking over the railing as her brother and his friend examined the damage.

"Anyone down there?" Prince Touya called out, while the servants stepped along the wreckage.

_"Kami-sama!"_

"No one was there. It didn't hit anyone."

" _Kami-sama!_ " Syaoran drew back.

Sakura tightened her hold so he would not slip away. "It's alright—no one was hurt."

Syaoran pulled. "I need to go."

" _Syaoran-kun—_ "

" _Iie,_ I-I-I need to go. I need to leave." He managed to extract his hand and headed toward the corridor.

" _Syaoran-kun,_  wait! Where are you going?"

With her skirts and palace shoes, she could not run well. Syaoran dashed down the halls as fast as he could go. He went down the stairs and was out the side doors, breathing rapidly. Outside, the air was cold; the chill was always quick when the sun set, and the sky was dark by now.

He could not go back in to retrieve a cloak. Syaoran pressed on. The guards started when he shot past, not expecting someone to leave the palace in such a hurry. Syaoran did not look back to see if they gave chase. He was running like his life depended on it, he knew not where. Anywhere except the palace.

He should not have come back, he thought wildly. He should have stayed away. But how was he supposed to know that he would end up being such a liability? His magic had always been well-controlled during his travels. His temper. His mind. So much for pushing boundaries—if anything was going to get him cast out, it was this.

_What is happening to me?_

Eventually, the burn of his muscles and the rawness in his windpipe forced him to stop. He panted heavily, wheezing. He had no idea where he was. He was on a road; some sort of highway. In the dark, it was difficult to determine which one it was. To the sides were some sparse trees, though the desert stretched far and wide into the black horizon.

The sound of hoofbeats galloping had him turning around. There were several horses, with the riders carrying torches. Were they going to arrest him for nearly killing someone? For breaking the chandelier? Syaoran debated running again, but his legs felt heavy and would not move. In fact, the more he tried, the harder it was for him to even  _stand._

When the riders arrived, the first one took off the hood; Sakura's face flashed in the firelight before she swung herself down. She was in Syaoran's arms in the next instant, squeezing him tightly.

"You're alright," she stated. "It's all fine."

" _Gomen nasai_ ," Syaoran stammered, still surprised that it was her. He had no idea what else to say.

"You didn't mean to do it," she murmured, pulling back a little to look him in the eye. "It's going to be alright. Come. Let's go home."

That was a bad idea. "I can't."

"Of course you can. No one is angry with you, Syaoran. It was an accident."

"I could have hurt someone," Syaoran shuddered. He did not know what to do. Maybe he was trapped in that tank because that was where someone like him  _belonged._  He should not be out here, putting people in danger just because he did not like being grabbed by the hair. Maybe his parents saw this and that was why they did not want to stay with him. Maybe Fay and Kurogane knew all along.

Sakura squeezed him tightly. "It could have been you too. It's alright. It's just a chandelier."

"What if it isn't, next time?"

"There won't be a next time."

"I don't want to hurt anyone."

"It won't happen."

"D-does the King know?"

"He probably does." Sakura rubbed his back, "but  _Otou-sama_ wouldn't blame you. No one blames you. It's alright."

No one blamed him? How could no one blame him? Syaoran was a nobody before, now he was causing all sorts of trouble. First the painting, now the chandelier. What next? There was no way King Fujitaka would tolerate this. Syaoran might as well spare him the trouble of evicting him later.

Sakura was squeezing him so tightly that he was having trouble breathing. He realized he was shaking. She reached up and folded his head down to hers.

"It's alright. Don't be afraid. You're safe. We're your family. No one is angry with you; you don't have to be afraid. We can go home, you'll get something nice to eat, and then go to bed, and it will be alright."

"What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you," said Sakura. "I promise. I know you, Syaoran. Nothing is wrong with you."

They stayed there for a long time before Syaoran felt calm enough to let her go. He was now shivering because it was so cold.

"I can't go back," he whispered. The thought of facing everyone after all that filled him with cold dread.

Sakura touched his face. Her hands were warm. "Of course you can. Trust me, as I have trusted you."

It was hard, one of the hardest things he had ever done, but he allowed her to take his hands and lead him to the horses.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment! Hope you enjoyed!


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